The Complete Works of Artemus Ward, part 6 | Page 9

entirely serious.--I will
not--then--for the next ten minutes--confine myself to my subject.
Some seventeen years ago a small band of Mormons--headed by
Brigham Young--commenced in the present thrifty metropolis of Utah.
The population of the territory of Utah is over 100,000--chiefly
Mormons--and they are increasing at the rate of from five to ten
thousand annually. The converts to Mormonism now are almost
exclusively confined to English and Germans--Wales and Cornwall
have contributed largely to the population of Utah during the last few
years. The population of Great Salt Lake City is 20,000.--The streets
are eight rods wide--and are neither flagged nor paved. A stream of
pure mountain spring water courses through each street--and is
conducted into the Gardens of the Mormons. The houses are mostly of
adobe--or sun-dried brick--and present a neat and comfortable
appearance.--They are usually a story and a half high. Now and then
you see a fine modern house in Salt Lake City--but no house that is
dirty, shabby, and dilapidated--because there are no absolutely poor
people in Utah. Every Mormon has a nice garden--and every Mormon
has a tidy dooryard.--Neatness is a great characteristic of the Mormons.
The Mormons profess to believe that they are the chosen people of
God--they call themselves Latter-day Saints--and they call us people of
the outer world Gentiles. They say that Mr. Brigham Young is a
prophet--the legitimate successor of Joseph Smith--who founded the
Mormon religion. They also say they are authorized--by special
revelation from Heaven--to marry as many wives as they can
comfortably support.
This wife-system they call plurality--the world calls it polygamy. That
at its best it is an accursed thing--I need not of course inform you--but
you will bear in mind that I am here as a rather cheerful reporter of
what I saw in Utah --and I fancy it isn't at all necessary for me to grow
virtuously indignant over something we all know is hideously wrong.
You will be surprised to hear--I was amazed to see--that among the
Mormon women there are some few persons of education--of positive
cultivation. As a class the Mormons are not educated people--but they
are by no means the community of ignoramuses so many writers have
told us they were.
The valley in which they live is splendidly favored. They raise

immense crops. They have mills of all kinds. They have coal--lead--and
silver mines. All they eat--all they drink--all they wear they can
produce themselves--and still have a great abundance to sell to the gold
regions of Idaho on the one hand--and the silver regions of Nevada on
the other.
The President of this remarkable community--the head of the Mormon
Church--is Brigham Young.--He is called President Young--and
Brother Brigham. He is about 54 years old-- altho' he doesn't look to be
over 45. He has sandy hair and whiskers--is of medium height--and is a
little inclined to corpulency. He was born in the State of Vermont. His
power is more absolute than that of any living sovereign--yet he uses it
with such consummate discretion that his people are almost madly
devoted to him--and that they would cheerfully die for him if they
thought the sacrifice were demanded--I cannot doubt.
He is a man of enormous wealth.--One-tenth of everything sold in the
territory of Utah goes to the Church--and Mr. Brigham Young is the
Church. It is supposed that he speculates with these funds--at all
events--he is one of the wealthiest men now living--worth several
millions--without doubt.--He is a bold--bad man--but that he is also a
man of extraordinary administrative ability no one can doubt who has
watched his astounding career for the past ten years. It is only fair for
me to add that he treated me with marked kindness during my sojourn
in Utah.
(Picture of) West Side of Main Street, Salt Lake City. (A wagon and
team stand outside the "City Bathing House" and a pennant flies over
the "temperance hotel.")
The West Side of Main Street--Salt Lake City--including a view of the
Salt Lake Hotel. It is a temperance hotel. (At the date of our visit, there
was only one place in Salt Lake City where strong drink was allowed to
be sold. Brigham Young himself owned the property, and vended the
liquor by wholesale, not permitting any of it to be drunk on the
premises. It was a coarse, inferior kind of whisky, known in Salt Lake
as "Valley Tan." Throughout the city there was no drinking-bar nor
billiard room, so far as I am aware. But a drink on the sly could always
be had at one of the hard-goods stores, in the back office behind the
pile of metal saucepans; or at one of the dry-goods stores, in the little
parlor in the rear of the bales of calico. At the present time I believe

that there