The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan | Page 9

melodious mirth, Grief
is joy in masquerade;
CHORUS. Sullen night is laughing day-- All the year is merry May!
(At the end of the song, Don Alhambra enters at back. The Gondoliers
and Contadine shrink from him, and gradually go off, much alarmed.)
GIU. And now our lives are going to begin in real earnest! What's a
bachelor? A mere nothing--he's a chrysalis. He can't be said to live--he
exists. MAR. What a delightful institution marriage is! Why have we
wasted all this time? Why didn't we marry ten years ago? TESS.
Because you couldn't find anybody nice enough. GIA. Because you
were waiting for us. MAR. I suppose that was the reason. We were
waiting for you without knowing it. (Don Alhambra comes forward.)
Hallo! DON AL. Good morning. GIU. If this gentleman is an
undertaker it's a bad omen. DON AL. Ceremony of some sort going on?
GIU. (aside). He is an undertaker! (Aloud.) No--a little unimportant
family gathering. Nothing in your line. DON AL. Somebody's birthday,
I suppose? GIA. Yes, mine! TESS. And mine! MAR. And mine! GIU.
And mine! DON AL. Curious coincidence! And how old may you all
be? TESS. It's a rude question--but about ten minutes. DON AL.

Remarkably fine children! But surely you are jesting? TESS. In other
words, we were married about ten minutes since. DON AL. Married!
You don't mean to say you are married? MAR. Oh yes, we are married.
DON AL. What, both of you? ALL. All four of us. DON AL. (aside).
Bless my heart, how extremely awkward! GIA. You don't mind, I
suppose? TESS. You were not thinking of either of us for yourself, I
presume? Oh, Giuseppe, look at him--he was. He's heart-broken! DON
AL. No, no, I wasn't! I wasn't! GIU. Now, my man (slapping him on
the back), we don't want anything in your line to-day, and if your
curiosity's satisfied--you can go! DON AL. You mustn't call me your
man. It's a liberty. I don't think you know who I am. GIU. Not we,
indeed! We are jolly gondoliers, the sons of Baptisto Palmieri, who led
the last revolution. Republicans, heart and soul, we hold all men to be
equal. As we abhor oppression, we abhor kings: as we detest vain-glory,
we detest rank: as we despise effeminacy, we despise wealth. We are
Venetian gondoliers--your equals in everything except our calling, and
in that at once your masters and your servants. DON AL. Bless my
heart, how unfortunate! One of you may be Baptisto's son, for anything
I know to the contrary; but the other is no less a personage than the
only son of the late King of Barataria. ALL. What! DON AL. And I
trust--I trust it was that one who slapped me on the shoulder and called
me his man! GIU. One of us a king! MAR. Not brothers! TESS. The
King of Barataria! [Together] GIA. Well, who'd have thought it! MAR.
But which is it? DON AL. What does it matter? As you are both
Republicans, and hold kings in detestation, of course you'll abdicate at
once. Good morning! (Going.) GIA. and TESS. Oh, don't do that!
(Marco and Giuseppe stop him.) GIU. Well, as to that, of course there
are kings and kings. When I say that I detest kings, I mean I detest bad
kings. DON AL. I see. It's a delicate distinction. GIU. Quite so. Now I
can conceive a kind of king--an ideal king--the creature of my fancy,
you know--who would be absolutely unobjectionable. A king, for
instance, who would abolish taxes and make everything cheap, except
gondolas-- MAR. And give a great many free entertainments to the
gondoliers-- GIU. And let off fireworks on the Grand Canal, and
engage all the gondolas for the occasion-- MAR. And scramble money
on the Rialto among the gondoliers. GIU. Such a king would be a
blessing to his people, and if I were a king, that is the sort of king I

would be. MAR. And so would I! DON AL. Come, I'm glad to find
your objections are not insuperable. MAR. and GIU. Oh, they're not
insuperable. GIA. and TESS. No, they're not insuperable. GIU. Besides,
we are open to conviction. GIA. Yes; they are open to conviction.
TESS. Oh! they've often been convicted. GIU. Our views may have
been hastily formed on insufficient grounds. They may be crude,
ill-digested, erroneous. I've a very poor opinion of the politician who is
not open to conviction. TESS. (to Gia.). Oh, he's a fine fellow! GIA.
Yes, that's the sort of politician for my money! DON AL. Then we'll
consider it settled. Now, as the country is in a state of insurrection, it is
absolutely necessary that you should assume the reins of Government
at once; and, until it is