The Cock-House at Fellsgarth | Page 8

go down with the company and at the same time redeem
his reputation from all suspicion of greenness; and he flattered himself
he had hit upon the exact article.
"Oh," said he, with an attempt at offhand swagger, in response to the
demand. "It's a comic song, called Oh no."
It disconcerted him a little to see how seriously everybody settled down
to listen, and how red his brother's face turned as he took a back seat
among the seniors. Never mind. Wait till they heard his song. That
would fetch them!
He had carefully studied not only the song but the appropriate action.
As he knew perfectly well, there is one invariable attitude for a comic
song. The head must be tilted a little to one side. One eyebrow must be
raised and the opposite corner of the mouth turned down. One knee
should be slightly bent; the first finger and thumb of one hand should
rest gracefully in the waistcoat pocket, and the other hand should be
free for gesture.
All these points Fisher minor attended to now as carefully as his
nervousness would permit, and felt half amused at the thought of how
comic the fellows must think him.
"Do you--" he began.
But at this point Ranger unfeelingly interrupted, and put the vocalist
completely out.
"Did you say `Oh no' or `How now'?"
"Oh no," repeated the singer.
"You mean h-o-w n-o-w?"
"Oh no; it's o-h n-o."

"Thanks--sorry to interrupt. Fire away." Fisher tried to get himself back
into attitude, and began again in a thin treble voice;--
Do you think I'm just as green as grass! Oh no!
Do you take me for a silly ass! Oh no! Do you think I don't know A
from B! Do you think I can't tell he from she! Do you think I swallow
all I see?
Oh no--not me! He was bewildered by the unearthly silence of his
audience. No one stirred a muscle except Wheatfield, who was
apparently wiping away a tear. Was the song too deep for them, or
perhaps he did not sing the words distinctly, or perhaps they had
laughed and he had not noticed? At any rate he would try the next verse,
which was certain to amuse them. He looked as droll as he could, and
by way of heightening the effect, stuck his two thumbs into the
armholes of his waistcoat and wagged his hands in time with the song.
Do you think I lie abed all day?
Oh no! Do you guess I skate on ice in May?
Oh no! Do you think I can't tell what is what? Do you think I don't
know pepper's hot? Or whereabouts my i's to dot?
Oh no, no rot!
As he concluded, Fisher minor summoned up enough resolution to
shake his head and lay one finger to his nose in the most approved style
of comedy, and then awaited the result.
Fellows apparently did not take in that the song was at an end, for they
neither cheered nor smiled. So Fisher minor made an elaborate bow to
show it was all over. The result was the same. A gloomy silence
prevailed, in the midst of which the singer, never more perplexed in his
life, descended from the table and proceeded to look out for the
congratulations of his admirers.

"Beautiful song," said Wally, still mopping his face.
"I never thought I could be so touched by anything. We generally get
comic songs on first-night."
"This is a comic one," said Fisher minor.
"Go on," said Wheatfield; "tell that to D'Arcy here--he'll believe you--
eh, D'Arcy?" D'Arcy looked mysterious.
"It's no laughing matter, young Wheatfield," said he, in a loud whisper,
evidently intended for the eager ears of Fisher minor. "I heard Yorke
just now ask Denton if he thought Fisher's minor was all there. Denton
seemed quite cut up, and said he hadn't known it before, but it must be
a great family trouble to the Fishers. It accounted for Fisher major's
frequent low spirits. You know," continued D'Arcy confidentially, "I
can't help myself thinking it's a little rough on Fisher major for his
people to send a minor who's afflicted like this to Fellsgarth. They
might at least have put him on the Modern side. He'd have been better
understood there."
This speech Fisher minor listened to with growing perplexity. Was
D'Arcy in jest or earnest? He seemed to be in earnest, and the serious
faces of his listeners looked like it too. Had the captain really made that
remark to Denton? Suppose there was something in it! Suppose,
without his knowing, he was really a little queer in his head! His people
might have told him of it. And Fisher major, his brother--even he hadn't
heard of it! Oh dear!