The Clouds | Page 9

them use me as they please. I give up this body to them to be beaten, to be hungered, to be troubled with thirst, to be squalid, to shiver with cold, to flay into a leathern bottle, if I shall escape clear from my debts, and appear to men to be bold, glib of tongue, audacious, impudent, shameless, a fabricator of falsehoods, inventive of words, a practiced knave in lawsuits, a law-tablet, a thorough rattle, a fox, a sharper, a slippery knave, a dissembler, a slippery fellow, an impostor, a gallows-bird, a blackguard, a twister, a troublesome fellow, a licker-up of hashes. If they call me this, when they meet me, let them do to me absolutely what they please. And if they like, by Ceres, let them serve up a sausage out of me to the deep thinkers.
Cho. This man has a spirit not void of courage, but prompt. Know, that if you learn these matters from me, you will possess among mortals a glory as high as heaven.
Strep. What shall I experience?
Cho. You shall pass with me the most enviable of mortal lives the whole time.
Strep. Shall I then ever see this?
Cho. Yea, so that many be always seated at your gates, wishing to communicate with you and come to a conference with you, to consult with you as to actions and affidavits of many talents, as is worthy of your abilities.
[To Socrates.]
But attempt to teach the old man by degrees whatever you purpose, and scrutinize his intellect, and make trial of his mind.
Soc. Come now, tell me your own turn of mind; in order that, when I know of what sort it is, I may now, after this, apply to you new engines.
Strep. What? By the gods, do you purpose to besiege me?
Soc. No; I wish to briefly learn from you if you are possessed of a good memory.
Strep. In two ways, by Jove! If anything be owing to me, I have a very good memory; but if I owe unhappy man, I am very forgetful.
Soc. Is the power of speaking, pray, implanted in your nature?
Strep. Speaking is not in me, but cheating is.
Soc. How, then, will you be able to learn?
Strep. Excellently, of course.
Soc. Come, then, take care that, whenever I propound any clever dogma about abstruse matters, you catch it up immediately.
Strep. What then? Am I to feed upon wisdom like a dog?
Soc. This man is ignorant and brutish--I fear, old man, lest you will need blows. Come, let me see; what do you do if any one beat you?
Strep. I take the beating; and then, when I have waited a little while, I call witnesses to prove it; then again, after a short interval, I go to law.
Soc. Come, then, lay down your cloak.
Strep. Have I done any wrong?
Soc. No; but it is the rule to enter naked.
Strep. But I do not enter to search for stolen goods.
Soc. Lay it down. Why do you talk nonsense?
Strep. Now tell me this, pray. If I be diligent and learn zealously, to which of your disciples shall I become like?
Soc. You will no way differ from Chaerephon in intellect.
Strep. Ah me, unhappy! I shall become half-dead.
Soc. Don't chatter; but quickly follow me hither with smartness.
Strep. Then give me first into my hands a honeyed cake; for I am afraid of descending within, as if into the cave of Trophonius.
Soc. Proceed; why do you keep poking about the door?
[Exeunt Socrates and Strepsiades]
Cho. Well, go in peace, for the sake of this your valour. May prosperity attend the man, because, being advanced into the vale of years, he imbues his intellect with modern subjects, and cultivates wisdom!
[Turning to the audience.]
Spectators, I will freely declare to you the truth, by Bacchus, who nurtured me! So may I conquer, and be accounted skillful, as that, deeming you to be clever spectators, and this to be the cleverest of my comedies, I thought proper to let you first taste that comedy, which gave me the greatest labour. And then I retired from the contest defeated by vulgar fellows, though I did not deserve it. These things, therefore, I object to you, a learned audience, for whose sake I was expending this labour. But not even thus will I ever willingly desert the discerning portion of you. For since what time my Modest Man and my Rake were very highly praised here by an audience, with whom it is a pleasure even to hold converse, and I (for I was still a virgin, and it was not lawful for me as yet to have children) exposed my offspring, and another girl took it up, and owned it, and you generously reared and educated it, from this time I have had sure pledges of your good will toward me. Now, therefore, like that well-known