The Clouds | Page 5

afar in the country. But tell me the thing which has been made to miscarry.
Dis. It is not lawful to mention it, except to disciples.
Strep. Tell it, then, to me without fear; for I here am come as a disciple to the thinking-shop.
Dis. I will tell you; but you must regard these as mysteries. Socrates lately asked Chaerephon about a flea, how many of its own feet it jumped; for after having bit the eyebrow of Chaerephon, it leaped away onto the head of Socrates.
Strep. How then did he measure this?
Dis. Most cleverly. He melted some wax; and then took the flea and dipped its feet in the wax; and then a pair of Persian slippers stuck to it when cooled. Having gently loosened these, he measured back the distance.
Strep. O King Jupiter! What subtlety of thought!
Dis. What then would you say if you heard another contrivance of Socrates?
Strep. Of what kind? Tell me, I beseech you!
Dis. Chaerephon the Sphettian asked him whether he thought gnats buzzed through the mouth or the breech.
Strep. What, then, did he say about the gnat?
Dis. He said the intestine of the gnat was narrow and that the wind went forcibly through it, being slender, straight to the breech; and then that the rump, being hollow where it is adjacent to the narrow part, resounded through the violence of the wind.
Strep. The rump of the gnats then is a trumpet! Oh, thrice happy he for his sharp-sightedness! Surely a defendant might easily get acquitted who understands the intestine of the gnat.
Dis. But he was lately deprived of a great idea by a lizard.
Strep. In what way? Tell me.
Dis. As he was investigating the courses of the moon and her revolutions, then as he was gaping upward a lizard in the darkness dropped upon him from the roof.
Strep. I am amused at a lizard's having dropped on Socrates.
Dis. Yesterday evening there was no supper for us.
Strep. Well. What then did he contrive for provisions?
Dis. He sprinkled fine ashes on the table, and bent a little spit, and then took it as a pair of compasses and filched a cloak from the Palaestra.
Strep. Why then do we admire Thales? Open open quickly the thinking-shop, and show to me Socrates as quickly as possible. For I desire to be a disciple. Come, open the door.
[The door of the thinking-shop opens and the pupils of Socrates are seen all with their heads fixed on the ground, while Socrates himself is seen suspended in the air in a basket.]
O Hercules, from what country are these wild beasts?
Dis. What do you wonder at? To what do they seem to you to be like?
Strep. To the Spartans who were taken at Pylos. But why in the world do these look upon the ground?
Dis. They are in search of the things below the earth.
Strep. Then they are searching for roots. Do not, then, trouble yourselves about this; for I know where there are large and fine ones. Why, what are these doing, who are bent down so much?
Dis. These are groping about in darkness under Tartarus.
Strep. Why then does their rump look toward heaven?
Dis. It is getting taught astronomy alone by itself.
[Turning to the pupils.]
But go in, lest he meet with us.
Strep. Not yet, not yet; but let them remain, that I may communicate to them a little matter of my own.
Dis. It is not permitted to them to remain without in the open air for a very long time.
[The pupils retire.]
Strep. (discovering a variety of mathematical instruments) Why, what is this, in the name of heaven? Tell me.
Dis. This is Astronomy.
Strep. But what is this?
Dis. Geometry.
Strep. What then is the use of this?
Dis. To measure out the land.
Strep.What belongs to an allotment?
Dis. No, but the whole earth.
Strep. You tell me a clever notion; for the contrivance is democratic and useful.
Dis. (pointing to a map) See, here's a map of the whole earth. Do you see? This is Athens.
Strep. What say you? I don't believe you; for I do not see the Dicasts sitting.
Dis. Be assured that this is truly the Attic territory.
Strep. Why, where are my fellow-tribesmen of Cicynna?
Dis. Here they are. And Euboea here, as you see, is stretched out a long way by the side of it to a great distance.
Strep. I know that; for it was stretched by us and Pericles. But where is Lacedaemon?
Dis. Where is it? Here it is.
Strep. How near it is to us! Pay great attention to this, to remove it very far from us.
Dis. By Jupiter, it is not possible.
Strep. Then you will weep for it.
[Looking up and discovering Socrates.]
Come, who is this man who is in the basket?
Dis. Himself.
Strep. Who's "Himself"?
Dis. Socrates.
Strep. O Socrates! Come, you sir, call upon him loudly for me.
Dis. Nay, rather, call him yourself; for I have no leisure.
[Exit