The Clouds | Page 9

from wine, and gymnastics,
and the other follies, and consider this the highest excellence, as is
proper a clever man should, to conquer by action and counsel, and by
battling with your tongue.
Strep. As far as regards a sturdy spirit, and care that makes one's bed
uneasy, and a frugal spirit and hard-living and savory-eating belly, be
of good courage and don't trouble yourself; I would offer myself to
hammer on, for that matter.

Soc. Will you not, pray, now believe in no god, except what we believe
in--this Chaos, and the Clouds, and the Tongue--these three?
Strep. Absolutely I would not even converse with the others, not even if
I met them; nor would I sacrifice to them, nor make libations, nor offer
frankincense.
Cho. Tell us then boldly, what we must do for you? For you shall not
fail in getting it, if you honour and admire us, and seek to become
clever.
Strep. O mistresses, I request of you then this very small favour, that I
be the best of the Greeks in speaking by a hundred stadia.
Cho. Well, you shall have this from us, so that hence-forward from this
time no one shall get more opinions passed in the public assemblies
than you.
Strep. Grant me not to deliver important opinions; for I do not desire
these, but only to pervert the right for my own advantage, and to evade
my creditors.
Cho. Then you shall obtain what you desire; for you do not covet great
things. But commit yourself without fear to our ministers.
Strep. I will do so in reliance upon you, for necessity oppresses me, on
account of the blood-horses, and the marriage that ruined me. Now,
therefore, let them use me as they please. I give up this body to them to
be beaten, to be hungered, to be troubled with thirst, to be squalid, to
shiver with cold, to flay into a leathern bottle, if I shall escape clear
from my debts, and appear to men to be bold, glib of tongue, audacious,
impudent, shameless, a fabricator of falsehoods, inventive of words, a
practiced knave in lawsuits, a law-tablet, a thorough rattle, a fox, a
sharper, a slippery knave, a dissembler, a slippery fellow, an impostor,
a gallows-bird, a blackguard, a twister, a troublesome fellow, a
licker-up of hashes. If they call me this, when they meet me, let them
do to me absolutely what they please. And if they like, by Ceres, let
them serve up a sausage out of me to the deep thinkers.
Cho. This man has a spirit not void of courage, but prompt. Know, that
if you learn these matters from me, you will possess among mortals a
glory as high as heaven.
Strep. What shall I experience?
Cho. You shall pass with me the most enviable of mortal lives the
whole time.

Strep. Shall I then ever see this?
Cho. Yea, so that many be always seated at your gates, wishing to
communicate with you and come to a conference with you, to consult
with you as to actions and affidavits of many talents, as is worthy of
your abilities.
[To Socrates.]
But attempt to teach the old man by degrees whatever you purpose, and
scrutinize his intellect, and make trial of his mind.
Soc. Come now, tell me your own turn of mind; in order that, when I
know of what sort it is, I may now, after this, apply to you new engines.
Strep. What? By the gods, do you purpose to besiege me?
Soc. No; I wish to briefly learn from you if you are possessed of a good
memory.
Strep. In two ways, by Jove! If anything be owing to me, I have a very
good memory; but if I owe unhappy man, I am very forgetful.
Soc. Is the power of speaking, pray, implanted in your nature?
Strep. Speaking is not in me, but cheating is.
Soc. How, then, will you be able to learn?
Strep. Excellently, of course.
Soc. Come, then, take care that, whenever I propound any clever
dogma about abstruse matters, you catch it up immediately.
Strep. What then? Am I to feed upon wisdom like a dog?
Soc. This man is ignorant and brutish--I fear, old man, lest you will
need blows. Come, let me see; what do you do if any one beat you?
Strep. I take the beating; and then, when I have waited a little while, I
call witnesses to prove it; then again, after a short interval, I go to law.
Soc. Come, then, lay down your cloak.
Strep. Have I done any wrong?
Soc. No; but it is the rule to enter naked.
Strep. But I do not enter to search for stolen goods.
Soc. Lay it down. Why do you