The Clicking of Cuthbert | Page 8

we win the
hole and match and I clean up three hundred and ninety-six thousand
roubles, or fifteen shillings in your money. Some gameovitch! And
now let me tell you one other vairy funny story----"
Desultory conversation had begun in murmurs over the rest of the room,
as the Wood Hills intellectuals politely endeavoured to conceal the fact
that they realized that they were about as much out of it at this re-union
of twin souls as cats at a dog-show. From time to time they started as

Vladimir Brusiloff's laugh boomed out. Perhaps it was a consolation to
them to know that he was enjoying himself.
As for Adeline, how shall I describe her emotions? She was stunned.
Before her very eyes the stone which the builders had rejected had
become the main thing, the hundred-to-one shot had walked away with
the race. A rush of tender admiration for Cuthbert Banks flooded her
heart. She saw that she had been all wrong. Cuthbert, whom she had
always treated with a patronizing superiority, was really a man to be
looked up to and worshipped. A deep, dreamy sigh shook Adeline's
fragile form.
Half an hour later Vladimir and Cuthbert Banks rose.
"Goot-a-bye, Mrs. Smet-thirst," said the Celebrity. "Zank you for a
most charming visit. My friend Cootaboot and me we go now to shoot
a few holes. You will lend me clobs, friend Cootaboot?"
"Any you want."
"The niblicksky is what I use most. Goot-a-bye, Mrs. Smet-thirst."
They were moving to the door, when Cuthbert felt a light touch on his
arm. Adeline was looking up at him tenderly.
"May I come, too, and walk round with you?"
Cuthbert's bosom heaved.
"Oh," he said, with a tremor in his voice, "that you would walk round
with me for life!"
Her eyes met his.
"Perhaps," she whispered, softly, "it could be arranged."
* * * * *
"And so," (concluded the Oldest Member), "you see that golf can be of

the greatest practical assistance to a man in Life's struggle. Raymond
Parsloe Devine, who was no player, had to move out of the
neighbourhood immediately, and is now, I believe, writing scenarios
out in California for the Flicker Film Company. Adeline is married to
Cuthbert, and it was only his earnest pleading which prevented her
from having their eldest son christened Abe Mitchell Ribbed-Faced
Mashie Banks, for she is now as keen a devotee of the great game as
her husband. Those who know them say that theirs is a union so
devoted, so----"
* * * * *
The Sage broke off abruptly, for the young man had rushed to the door
and out into the passage. Through the open door he could hear him
crying passionately to the waiter to bring back his clubs.

2
A Woman is only a Woman
On a fine day in the spring, summer, or early autumn, there are few
spots more delightful than the terrace in front of our Golf Club. It is a
vantage-point peculiarly fitted to the man of philosophic mind: for from
it may be seen that varied, never-ending pageant, which men call Golf,
in a number of its aspects. To your right, on the first tee, stand the
cheery optimists who are about to make their opening drive, happily
conscious that even a topped shot will trickle a measurable distance
down the steep hill. Away in the valley, directly in front of you, is the
lake hole, where these same optimists will be converted to pessimism
by the wet splash of a new ball. At your side is the ninth green, with its
sinuous undulations which have so often wrecked the returning
traveller in sight of home. And at various points within your line of
vision are the third tee, the sixth tee, and the sinister bunkers about the
eighth green--none of them lacking in food for the reflective mind.
It is on this terrace that the Oldest Member sits, watching the younger

generation knocking at the divot. His gaze wanders from Jimmy
Fothergill's two-hundred-and-twenty-yard drive down the hill to the
silver drops that flash up in the sun, as young Freddie Woosley's
mashie-shot drops weakly into the waters of the lake. Returning, it rests
upon Peter Willard, large and tall, and James Todd, small and slender,
as they struggle up the fair-way of the ninth.
* * * * *
Love (says the Oldest Member) is an emotion which your true golfer
should always treat with suspicion. Do not misunderstand me. I am not
saying that love is a bad thing, only that it is an unknown quantity. I
have known cases where marriage improved a man's game, and other
cases where it seemed to put him right off his stroke. There seems to be
no fixed rule. But what