The Chequers

The Chequers

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Title: The Chequers Being the Natural History of a Public-House, Set
Forth in a Loafer's Diary
Author: James Runciman
Release Date: June 5, 2006 [EBook #18510]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
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CHEQUERS ***

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THE CHEQUERS: BEING THE
Natural History of a Public-house,
SET FORTH IN

A LOAFER'S DIARY.
EDITED BY
JAMES RUNCIMAN, AUTHOR OF "SKIPPERS AND
SHELLBACKS," ETC.
London: WARD AND DOWNEY, 12, YORK STREET, COVENT
GARDEN, W.C.
[ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.]

Dedication.
TO PHILIP WOOD AND JOHN WOOD, OF SOUTH SHIELDS.
GENTLEMEN,--This record of ruined lives is inscribed to you, for it is
mainly owing to you that I have gained such gruesome experience.
From the day when, as a boy of seventeen, I formed my connection
with your honourable house, I have owed my professional success to
your culture, your generosity, and your admirable relations with the
police force. My Sovereign and many other people have been pleased
to approve my strange labours; but my chief distinction in life arises
from my being your relative. With feelings which I cannot describe,
I remain,
Your obliged and grateful,
JAMES RUNCIMAN.

CONTENTS.
PAGE INTRODUCTION 1 THE WANDERER 6 THE PINK TOM
CAT 23 TEDDY 46 THE WANDERER AGAIN 64 THE ROBBERY
77 ONE OF OUR ENTERTAINMENTS 92 MERRY JERRY AND

HIS FRIENDS 108 THE GENTLEMAN, THE DOCTOR, AND
DICKY 123 POACHERS AND NIGHTBIRDS 140 JIM BILLINGS
155 OUR PARLOUR COMPANY 175 A QUEER CHRISTMAS 192
JACK BROWN 215

THE CHEQUERS.
INTRODUCTION.
It is risky to go home with some of the company from the Chequers, for
good-fellowship is by no means fostered in the atmosphere of a
public-house. The creatures who write about the cheerful glass, and the
jovial evening, and the drink that mellows the heart, know nothing of
the sad work that goes on in a boozing-place, while the persons who
draw wild pictures of impossible horrors are worse than the hired men
who write in publican's papers. It is the plain truth that is wanted, and
one year of life in a public-house teaches a man more than all the
strained lectures and colourless statistics. I am going to give a series of
pictures that will set forth every phase of public-house life. It is useless
to step casually into a bar, and then turn out a flashy article. If you want
to know how Drink really acts on the inner life of this nation you must
actually live among the forlorn folk who drink Circe's draught, and you
must live as their equal, their friend, their confidant. I am a Loafer, and
not one of the gang at The Chequers would ever dream of regarding me
as anything but an equal. My friend Donkey Perkins, the fighting man,
curses me with perfect affability and I am on easy terms with about one
hundred costermongers. If a "gentleman" went among them he could
learn nothing. Observe the hush that falls on the babble of a tap-room if
any well-dressed person goes in; listen to the hum of warning, and then
notice the laboured hypocrisy of the talk that goes on so long as the
stranger is there. I have seen that odd change scores of times, and I
know that nothing can be more curious than the contrast between the
scrappy, harmless chat that goes on while the representative of
respectability is there, and the stupid, frank brutalities which the advent
of the visitor silenced.

At nights I go home with one after another of my set, and at merry
seasons we stay together till early morning. They throw off all disguise
before me, and even the thieves are not afraid. When once you are on
level terms with the community you begin to see what is the true result
of drink. The clergyman, the district visitor, the professional
slummer--all the people who "patronise"--never learn the truth, and
they positively invite the wastrel classes to lie.
Some time ago I read some "revelations" which made a great stir in the
country. The writer was accused of publishing obscenities, but what
struck me most in his work was its absolute display of ignorance. The
poor, innocent man had listened to stories which were told in the
dialect that is used to impress outsiders, and I laughed as I seemed to
hear the very tones of some shady