The Bores | Page 6

nothing to equal my bore of to-day. I thought I should never get rid of
him; a hundred times I cursed the harmless desire, which seized me at
dinner time, to see the play, where, thinking to amuse myself, I
unhappily was sorely punished for my sins. I must tell you how it

happened, for I cannot yet think about it coolly. I was on the stage,
[Footnote: It was the custom for young men of fashion to seat
themselves upon the stage (see Vol. I.. Prefatory Memoir, page 26, note
7). They often crowded it to such an extent, that it was difficult for the
actors to move. This custom was abolished only in 1759, when the
Count de Lauraguais paid the comedians a considerable sum of money,
on the condition of not allowing any stranger upon the stage.]
in a mood to listen to the piece which I had heard praised by so many.
The actors began; everyone kept silence; when with a good deal of
noise and in a ridiculous manner, a man with large rolls entered
abruptly, crying out "Hulloa, there, a seat directly!" and, disturbing the
audience with his uproar, interrupted the play in its finest passage.
Heavens! will Frenchmen, altho' so often corrected, never behave
themselves like men of common-sense? Must we, in a public theatre,
show ourselves with our worst faults, and so confirm, by our foolish
outbursts what our neighbours everywhere say of us? Thus I spoke; and
whilst I was shrugging my shoulders, the actors attempted to continue
their parts. But the man made a fresh disturbance in seating himself,
and again crossing the stage with long strides, although he might have
been quite comfortable at the wings, he planted his chair full in front,
and, defying the audience by his broad back, hid the actors from
three-fourths of the pit. A murmur arose, at which anyone else would
have felt ashamed; but he, firm and resolute, took no notice of it, and
would have remained just as he had placed himself, if, to my
misfortune, he had not cast his eyes on me. "Ah, Marquis!" he said,
taking a seat near me, "how dost thou do? Let me embrace thee."
Immediately my face was covered with blushes that people should see I
was acquainted with such a giddy fellow. I was but slightly known to
him for all that: but so it is with these men, who assume an
acquaintance on nothing, whose embraces we are obliged to endure
when we meet them, and who are so familiar with us as to thou and
thee us. He began by asking me a hundred frivolous questions, raising
his voice higher than the actors. Everyone was cursing him; and in
order to check him I said, "I should like to listen to the play." "Hast
thou not seen it, Marquis? Oh, on my soul, I think it very funny, and I
am no fool in these matters. I know the canons of perfection, and
Corneille reads to me all that he writes." Thereupon he gave me a

summary of the piece, informing me scene after scene of what was
about to happen; and when we came to any lines which he knew by
heart, he recited them aloud before the actor could say them. It was in
vain for me to resist; he continued his recitations, and towards the end
rose a good while before the rest. For these fashionable fellows, in
order to behave gallantly, especially avoid listening to the conclusion. I
thanked Heaven, and naturally thought that, with the comedy, my
misery was ended. But as though this were too good to be expected, my
gentleman fastened on me again, recounted his exploits, his uncommon
virtues, spoke of his horses, of his love-affairs, of his influence at court,
and heartily offered me his services. I politely bowed my thanks, all the
time devising some way of escape. But he, seeing me eager to depart,
said, "Let us leave; everyone is gone." And when we were outside, he
prevented my going away, by saying, "Marquis, let us go to the Cours
to show my carriage."
[Footnote: The Cours is that part of the Champs-Elysées called _le
Cours-la-Reine_; because Maria de Medici, the wife of Henry IV., had
trees planted there. As the theatre finished about seven o'clock in the
evening, it was not too late to show a carriage.]
"It is very well built, and more than one Duke and Peer has ordered a
similar one from my coach-maker." I thanked him, and the better to get
off, told him that I was about to give a little entertainment. "Ah, on my
life, I shall join it, as one of your friends, and give the go-by to the
Marshal, to whom I was