The Book of Snobs | Page 3

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This Etext of The Book of Snobs by William Makepeace Thackeray
scanned and proof-read by Sean Hackett ([email protected])

THE BOOK OF SNOBS
BY ONE OF THEMSELVES

PREFATORY REMARKS
(The necessity of a work on Snobs, demonstrated from History, and
proved by felicitous illustrations:-- I am the individual destined to write
that work--My vocation is announced in terms of great eloquence--I
show that the world has been gradually preparing itself for the WORK
and the MAN--Snobs are to be studied like other objects of Natural
Science, and are a part of the Beautiful (with a large B). They pervade
all classes--Affecting instance of Colonel Snobley.)
We have all read a statement, (the authenticity of which I take leave to
doubt entirely, for upon what calculations I should like to know is it
founded?)--we have all, I say, been favoured by perusing a remark, that
when the times and necessities of the world call for a Man, that
individual is found. Thus at the French Revolution (which the reader

will be pleased to have introduced so early), when it was requisite to
administer a corrective dose to the nation, Robespierre was found; a
most foul and nauseous dose indeed, and swallowed eagerly by the
patient, greatly to the latter's ultimate advantage: thus, when it became
necessary to kick John Bull out of America, Mr. Washington stepped
forward, and performed that job to satisfaction: thus, when the Earl of
Aldborough was unwell, Professor Holloway appeared with his pills,
and cured his lordship, as per advertisement, &c. &c.. Numberless
instances might be adduced to show that when a nation is in great want,
the relief is at hand; just as in the Pantomime (that microcosm) where
when CLOWN wants anything--a warming- pan, a pump-handle, a
goose, or a lady's tippet--a fellow comes sauntering out from behind the
side-scenes with the very article in question.
Again, when men commence an undertaking, they always are prepared
to show that the absolute necessities of the world demanded its
completion.--Say it is a railroad: the directors begin by stating that 'A
more intimate communication between Bathershins and Derrynane Beg
is necessary for the advancement of civilization, and demanded by the
multitudinous acclamations of the great Irish people.' Or suppose it is a
newspaper: the prospectus states that 'At a time when the Church is in
danger, threatened from without by savage fanaticism and miscreant
unbelief, and undermined from within by dangerous Jesuitism, and
suicidal Schism, a Want has been universally felt--a suffering