The Book of Good Manners | Page 7

naturally do so when the request is for a near relative, or the
betrothed of the one making the request.
A man should never ask for an invitation to a ball for another person,
except for his fiancee or a near relative.
A woman may ask for an invitation for her fiance, a brother, or a male
friend of long standing, or for a visiting friend. She should take care
that she does not ask it for some one known to the hostess and whom
the latter does not desire to invite. No offense should be felt at a refusal
save, possibly, in the case of a brother, sister, or fiance.
INVITATIONS GIVEN BY A NEWCOMER. When a newcomer in a
neighborhood desires to give a ball but has no visiting list, it is
allowable for her to borrow the visiting list of some friend. The friend,
however, arranges that in each envelope is placed a calling-card of her
own, so that the invited ones may know that she is acting as sponsor for
the newcomer.
INVITATIONS ANSWERED. Every invitation should be answered as
soon as possible, and in the third person if the invitation was in the
third person. The answer should be sent to the party requesting the
pleasure, even if many names are on the invitation.
When a subscriber to a subscription ball invites a friend who is a
non-subscriber, she encloses her card in the envelope, and the invited

friend sends the answer to the subscriber sending the invitation.
INTRODUCTIONS. When a man is introduced to a woman at a ball,
he should ask her for a dance.
MEN AT. Courtesy toward his hostess and consideration for his friends
demands that a man who can dance should do so.
To accept an invitation to a ball and then refuse to dance shows that a
man is lacking in good breeding.
A man finding few friends at a ball should ask some friend, or the
hostess, to introduce him to some women whom he can invite to dance.
It is an act of discourtesy for a man not to request a dance of a woman
to whom he has been introduced.
A man escorting a woman to a ball should agree where to meet her
after they have each left their wraps at the dressing-rooms. It may be at
the foot of the stairway or near the ball-room door.
It is now no longer customary for the man and woman to enter arm in
arm, but for the woman to precede the man, and together they greet the
hostess. It is for the hostess to merely bow or to shake hands, and the
guests follow her lead.
A man should see that his companion's chaperone is comfortably seated,
and then ask his companion for a couple of dances, and, with her
permission, introduce other young men, who should ask her to dance.
Such permission is not usually asked if the man is her fiance, a near
relative, or an old friend.
It is strictly the woman's prerogative to decide to retire, and no man
should urge or hint to a woman to retire earlier than she wishes.
MEN--CARRIAGE. A man asking a woman to accompany him to a
ball should call in a carriage for her and her chaperone.
MEN--DRESS. Men wear full evening dress in summer or winter, city

and town.
Gloves of white dressed kid should be worn at all balls.
NEWCOMERS. See BALLS-INVITATIONS GIVEN BY
NEWCOMERS.
PATRONESSES. See PUBLIC BALLS--PATRONESSES.
TIPPING SERVANTS. Only at public balls is it customary to give a tip
to the men and women in charge of the cloak-room.
SUPPER. Usually a buffet supper, being more easily handled and
arranged for. Supper at tables requires many servants, much preparation,
and great care.
WOMEN AT. A mother should attend balls with her daughters, going
and returning with them, and if she is not invited, they should decline
the invitation. The father can act as escort if need be.
After greeting the hostess and guests, the guests pay their respects to
the head of the house if he is present.
Taking leave of the hostess is unnecessary.
It is no longer customary for a couple to enter arm in arm, but for the
woman to precede the man. A mother, elder sister, or married woman
takes the precedence over a daughter, younger sister, or unmarried
woman.
If not at once asked to dance, a young woman should take a seat by her
chaperone. It is bad taste to refuse a dance with one man and then to
dance that same dance with another.
Both the hostess and the women wear their most elaborate costume for
such an entertainment- decollete, short-sleeved, and a long train.
For a less elaborate affair the costume may be plainer.

BALLS,