The Bomb | Page 8

meal, however, cheered me up a little; my
resolution came back to me and, in spite of the temptation to stay and
talk with the other lodgers, I retired to my room and began to study.
Henschel had not returned for dinner, so I hoped that he had found
work. However that might be, it was my business to learn English as
quickly as possible, so I set myself to the task, and memorized through
the swooning heat doggedly till six o'clock, when I went downstairs for
tea. Our German schools may not be very good; but at least they teach
one how to learn languages.
After supper, as it was called, I returned to my room, which was still
like an oven, and studied in my shirt-sleeves at the open window till
nearly midnight, when Henschel burst in with the news that he had got
work in a great restaurant, and had wonderful prospects. I did not
grudge him his good luck, but the contrast seemed to make my forlorn
state more miserable. I told him how I had been received; but he had no
counsel to give, no hope; he was lost in his own good fortune. He had
taken ten dollars in tips. It all went into the "tronk" he told me, or

common stock, and the waiters and headwaiters shared it at the end of
the week, according to a fixed ratio. He would certainly earn, he
calculated, between forty and fifty dollars a week. The thought that I,
who had spent seven years in study, could not get anything at all to do
was not pleasant.
When he left me I went to bed; but I tossed about a long time, unable to
sleep. It seemed to me that it would have been better for me if I had
been taught any trade or handicraft, instead of being given an education
which no one appeared to want. I found out afterwards that had I been
trained as a bricklayer, or carpenter, or plumber, or house painter, I
should probably have got work, as Henschel got it, as soon as I reached
New York. The educated man without money or a profession is not
much thought of in America.
Next day I got up and went to look for work as before, with just as little
success, and so the hunt continued for six or seven days, till my first
week had come to an end, and I had to pay another week's board--five
dollars-- out of my scanty stock of forty-five. Eight more weeks, I said
to myself, and then--fear came to me, humiliating fear, and gnawed at
my self-esteem.
The second week passed like the first. At the end of it, however,
Henschel had a Sunday morning off, and took me with him on the
steamer to Jersey City; we had a great talk. I told him what I had done,
and how hard I had tried to get work--all in vain. He assured me he
would keep his eyes and ears open and as soon as he came across a
writer or an editor he would speak for me to him and let me know.
With this small crumb of comfort I was fain to be content. But the
outing and rest had given me fresh courage, and when we came back I
told Henschel that as I had exhausted all the newspaper offices, I would
try next day to get work on the elevated railways, or on the streetcar
lines, or in some German house where English was spoken. Another
week or two fleeted by. I had been in hundreds of offices and met
nothing but refusals, and generally rude refusals. I had called at every
tram centre, visited every railroad depot--in vain. And now there were
only thirty dollars in my purse. Fear of the future began to turn into

sour rage in me, and infect my blood. Strangely enough, a little talk I
had with Glueckstein on board the ship often came back to me. I asked
him one morning how he intended to begin to get rich. "Get into a big
office," he said.
"But how--where?" I asked.
"Go about and ask," he replied. "There is some office in New York
wants me as badly as I want it, and I'm going to find it."
This speech stuck in my memory and strengthened my determination to
persevere at all costs.
One fact I noted which is a little difficult to explain. I learned more
English in the three or four weeks I spent looking for work in New
York than in all the months, or indeed years, I had studied it. Memory
seemed to receive impressions more deeply as the tension of anxiety
increased. I spoke quite fluently at the end