The Blunders of a Bashful Man | Page 2

a boys' academy for
three years, and returned about the first of June to my parents and to
Babbletown to find that I was considered a young man, and expected to
take my part in the business and pleasures of life as such. My father
dismissed his clerk and put me in his place behind the counter of our
store.
Within three days every girl in that village had been to that store after
something or another--pins, needles, a yard of tape, to look at gloves, to
try on shoes, or examine gingham and calico, until I was happy,
because out of sight, behind a pile high enough to hide my flushed
countenance. I shall never forget that week. I ran the gauntlet from
morning till night. I believe those heartless wretches told each other the
mistakes I made, for they kept coming and coming, looking as sweet as
honey and as sly as foxes. Father said I'd break him if I didn't stop
making blunders in giving change--he wasn't in the prize-candy
business, and couldn't afford to have me give twenty-five sheets of note
paper, a box of pens, six corset laces, a bunch of whalebones, and two
dollars and fifty cents change for a two-dollar bill.
He explained to me that the safety-pins which I had offered Emma
Jones for crochet-needles were not crochet-needles; nor the red wafers I
had shown Mary Smith for gum-drops, gum-drops--that gingham was
not three dollars per yard, nor pale-blue silk twelve-and-a-half cents,
even to Squire Marigold's daughter. He said I must be more careful.
"I don't think the mercantile business is my forte, father," said I.
"Your fort!" replied the old gentleman; "fiddlesticks! We have nothing

to do with military matters. But if you think you have a special call to
anything, John, speak out. Would you like to study for the ministry, my
son?"
"Oh, no, indeed! I don't know exactly what I would like, unless it were
to be a Juan Fernandez, or a--a light-house keeper."
Then father said I was a disgrace to him, and I knew I was.
On the fourth day some young fellows came to see me, and told me
there was to be a picnic on Saturday, and I must get father's horse and
buggy and take one of the girls. In vain I pleaded that I did not know
any of them well enough. They laughed at me, and said that Belle
Marigold had consented to go with me; that I knew her--she had been
in the store and bought some blue silk for twelve-and-a-half cents a
yard; and they rather thought she fancied me, she seemed so ready to
accept my escort; should they tell her I would call for her at ten o'clock,
sharp, on Saturday morning?
There was no refusing under the circumstances, and I said "yes" with
the same gaiety with which I would have signed my own death-warrant.
Yet I wanted to go to the picnic, dreadfully; and of all the young ladies
in Babbletown I preferred Belle Marigold. She was the handsomest and
most stylish girl in the county. Her eyes were large, black, and
mischievous; her mouth like a rose; she dressed prettily, and had an
elegant little way of tossing back her dark ringlets that was fascinating
even at first sight. I was told my doom on Thursday afternoon, and do
not think I slept any that or Friday night--am positive I did not Saturday
night. I wanted to go and I wanted to take that particular girl, yet I was
in a cold sweat at the idea. I would have given five dollars to be let off,
and I wouldn't have taken fifteen for my chance to go. I asked father if I
could have the horse and buggy, and if he would tend store. I hoped he
would say No; but when he said Yes, I was delighted.
"I'll take the opportunity when you are at the picnic to get the accounts
out of the quirks you've got 'em into," said he.
Well, Saturday came. As I opened my eyes my heart jumped into my

throat. "I've got to go through with it now if it kills me," I thought.
Mother asked me why I ate no breakfast.
"Saving my appetite for the picnic," I responded, cheerfully; which was
one of the white lies my miserable bashfulness made me tell every day
of my life--I knew that I should go dinner-less at the picnic unless I
could get behind a tree with my plate of goodies.
I never to this day can abide to eat before strangers; things always go
by my windpipe instead of my æsophagus, and I'm tired to death of
scalding my legs with hot tea, to say nothing of adding to one's