The Big Town | Page 9

said, "things are terribly high--that is, nice things. And then,
of course, there's suits and hats and things besides the gowns. But
remember, it's our money. And as I told you, it's an investment. When
young Mister Wall Street sees Kate to-night it'll be all off."

"I didn't call on you for no speech," I says. "I ast you how much you
spent."
"Not quite sixteen hundred dollars."
I was still out on my feet when the phone rung. Ella answered it and
then told me it was all right about the tickets.
"What tickets?" I said.
"Why, you see," she says, "after young Griffin fixing us up with that
check and inviting us to dinner and everything we thought it would be
nice to take him to a show to-night. Kate wanted to see Ups and Downs,
but the girl said she couldn't get us seats for it. So I ast that nice clerk
that took care of us yesterday and he's fixed it."
"All right," I said, "but when young Griffin starts a party, why and the
hell not let him finish it?"
"I suppose he would of took us somewhere after dinner," says the Mrs.,
"but I couldn't be sure. And between you and I, I'm positive that if he
and Kate is throwed together a whole evening, and her looking like
she'll look to-night, we'll get mighty quick returns on our investment."
Well, to make a short story out of it, the gals finally got what they
called dressed, and I wished Niles, Michigan, or South Bend could of
seen them. If boxers wore bathing skirts I'd of thought I was in the ring
with a couple of bantams.
"Listen!" I said. "What did them two girdles cost?"
"Mine was three hundred and Kate's three hundred and fifty," said the
Mrs.
"Well," I says, "don't you know that you could of went to any cut-rate
drugstore and wrapped yourself up just as warm in thirty-two cents'
worth of adhesive tape? Listen!" I said. "What's the use of me paying a
burglar for tickets to a show like Ups and Downs when I could set

round here and look at you for nothing?"
Then Griffin rung up to say that he was waiting and we went
downstairs. Francis took us in the same dining room we'd been in the
night before, but this time the waiters all fought each other to get to us
first.
I don't know what we eat, as Francis had something on the hip that kind
of dazed me for a wile, but afterwards I know we got a taxi and went to
the theater. The tickets was there in my name and only cost me thirteen
dollars and twenty cents.
Maybe you seen this show wile it was here. Some show! I didn't read
the program to see who wrote it, but I guess the words was by Noah
and the music took the highest awards at the St. Louis Fair. They had a
good system on the gags. They didn't spring none but what you'd heard
all your life and knew what was coming, so instead of just laughing at
the point you laughed all the way through it.
I said to Ella, I said, "I bet the birds that run this don't want prohibition.
If people paid $3.30 apiece and come in here sober they'd come back
the next night with a machine gun."
"I think it's dandy," she says, "and you'll notice every seat is full. But
listen! Will you do something for me? When this is over suggest that
we go up to the Castle Roof for a wile."
"What for?" I said. "I'm sleepy."
"Just this once," she says. "You know what I told you about quick
returns!"
Well, I give in and made the suggestion, and I never seen people so
easy coaxed. I managed to get a ringside table for twenty-two bucks.
Then I ast the boy how about getting a drink and he ast me if I knew
any of the head waiters.
"I do," says Francis. "Tell Hector it's for Frank Griffin's party."

So we ordered four Scotch highballs and some chicken à la King, and
then the dinge orchestra tore loose some jazz and I was expecting a
dance with Ella, but before she could ask me Francis had ast her, and I
had one with Kate.
"Your Wall Street friend's a fox," I says, "asking an old married lady to
dance so's to stand in with the family."
"Old married lady!" said Kate. "Sis don't look a day over sixteen
to-night."
"How are you and Francis coming?" I ast her.
"I don't know," she says. "He acts kind of shy. He hasn't hardly said a
word to me all evening."
Well, they was