The Bickerstaff-Partridge Papers | Page 9

As if there had been no such
Matter.
Some Wits have wonder'd what Analogy There is 'twixt Cobbling* and
Astrology: How Partridge made his Optics rise, From a Shoe-Sole, to
reach the Skies.
A List of Coblers Temples Ties, To keep the Hair out of their Eyes;
From whence 'tis plain the Diadem That Princes wear, derives from
them. And therefore Crowns are now-a-days Adorn'd with Golden Stars
and Rays, Which plainly shews the near Alliance 'Twixt cobling and
the Planets Science.
Besides, that slow-pac'd Sign Bootes, As 'tis miscall'd, we know not
who 'tis? But Partridge ended all Disputes, He knew his Trade, and
call'd it **Boots.
The Horned Moon, which heretofore Upon their Shoes the Romans
wore, Whose Wideness kept their Toes from Corns, And whence we
claim our Shooing-Horns; Shows how the Art of Cobling bears A near
Resemblance to the Spheres.
A Scrap of Parchment hung by Geometry (A great Refinement in
Barometry) Can, like the Stars, foretel the Weather; And what is
Parchment else but Leather? Which an Astrologer might use, Either for
Almanacks or Shoes.
Thus Partridge, by his Wit and Parts, At once did practise both these
Arts; And as the boading Owl (or rather The Bat, because her Wings
are Leather) Steals from her private Cell by Night, And flies about the
Candle-Light; So learned Partridge could as well Creep in the Dark
from Leathern Cell, And, in his Fancy, fly as fair, To peep upon a
twinkling Star.
Besides, he could confound the Spheres, And set the Planets by the
Ears; To shew his Skill, he Mars could join To Venus in Aspect Mali'n;
Then call in Mercury for Aid, And cure the Wounds that Venus made.
Great Scholars have in Lucian read, When Philip, King of Greece was
dead, His Soul and Spirit did divide, And each Part took a diff'rent Side;
One rose a Star, the other fell Beneath, and mended Shoes in Hell.
Thus Partridge still shines in each Art, The Cobling and Star-gazing
Part, And is install'd as good a Star As any of the Caesars are.

Triumphant Star! some Pity shew On Coblers militant below, Whom
roguish Boys in stormy Nights Torment, by pissing out their Lights; Or
thro' a Chink convey their Smoke; Inclos'd Artificers to choke.
Thou, high exalted in thy Sphere, May'st follow still thy Calling there.
To thee the Bull will lend his hide, By Phoebus newly tann'd and dry'd.
For thee they Argo's Hulk will tax, And scrape her pitchy Sides for
Wax. Then Ariadne kindly lends Her braided Hair to make thee Ends.
The Point of Sagittarius' Dart Turns to an awl, by heav'nly Art; And
Vulcan, wheedled by his Wife, Will forge for thee a Paring-Knife. For
want of Room, by Virgo's Side, She'll strain a Point, and sit astride***,
To take thee kindly in between, And then the Signs will be Thirteen.
*Partridge was a Cobler. ** See his Almanack ***Tibi brachia
contrahet ingens Scorpius, etc.
______________________________________________
An Epitaph on Partridge.
Here, five Foot deep, lies on his Back, A Cobler, Starmonger, and
Quack; Who to the Stars in pure Good-will, Does to his best look
upward still. Weep all you Customers that use His Pills, his Almanacks,
or Shoes; And you that did your Fortunes seek, Step to his Grave but
once a Week: This Earth which bears his Body's Print, You'll find has
so much Vertue in't, That I durst pawn my Ears 'twill tell Whate'er
concerns you full as well, In Physick, Stolen Goods, or Love, As he
himself could, when above.
____________________________________
[Partridge's reply]
'Squire Bickerstaff detected; or, the astrological impostor convicted; by
John Partridge, student in physick and astrology.
It is hard, my dear countrymen of these united nations, it is very hard
that a Briton born, a Protestant astrologer, a man of revolution
principles, an assertor of the liberty and property of the people, should
cry out, in vain, for justice against a Frenchman, a Papist, an illiterate
pretender to science; that would blast my reputation, most inhumanly
bury me alive, and defraud my native country of those services, that, in
my double capacity, I daily offer to the publick.
What great provocations I have receiv'd, let the impartial reader judge,
and how unwillingly, even in my own defence, I now enter the lists
against falsehood, ignorance and envy: But I am exasperated, at length,

to drag out this cacus from the den of obscurity where he lurks, detect
him by the light of those stars he has so impudently traduced, and shew
there's not a monster in the skies so pernicious and malevolent to
mankind, as an ignorant pretender to physick and astrology. I shall not
directly fall on the many gross errors, nor expose the notorious
absurdities of this prostituted libeller, till