The Battle of Life | Page 9

once, 'there's a serious grain in this large foolish
dust-heap, Doctor. Let us allow to- day, that there is One.'
'To-day!' cried the Doctor. 'Hear him! Ha, ha, ha! Of all days in the foolish year. Why, on
this day, the great battle was fought on this ground. On this ground where we now sit,
where I saw my two girls dance this morning, where the fruit has just been gathered for
our eating from these trees, the roots of which are struck in Men, not earth, - so many
lives were lost, that within my recollection, generations afterwards, a churchyard full of
bones, and dust of bones, and chips of cloven skulls, has been dug up from underneath
our feet here. Yet not a hundred people in that battle knew for what they fought, or why;
not a hundred of the inconsiderate rejoicers in the victory, why they rejoiced. Not half a
hundred people were the better for the gain or loss. Not half-a-dozen men agree to this
hour on the cause or merits; and nobody, in short, ever knew anything distinct about it,
but the mourners of the slain. Serious, too!' said the Doctor, laughing. 'Such a system!'
'But, all this seems to me,' said Alfred, 'to be very serious.'
'Serious!' cried the Doctor. 'If you allowed such things to be serious, you must go mad, or
die, or climb up to the top of a mountain, and turn hermit.'
'Besides - so long ago,' said Alfred.
'Long ago!' returned the Doctor. 'Do you know what the world has been doing, ever since?
Do you know what else it has been doing? I don't!'
'It has gone to law a little,' observed Mr. Snitchey, stirring his tea.
'Although the way out has been always made too easy,' said his partner.
'And you'll excuse my saying, Doctor,' pursued Mr. Snitchey, 'having been already put a
thousand times in possession of my opinion, in the course of our discussions, that, in its
having gone to law, and in its legal system altogether, I do observe a serious side - now,
really, a something tangible, and with a purpose and intention in it - '
Clemency Newcome made an angular tumble against the table, occasioning a sounding
clatter among the cups and saucers.
'Heyday! what's the matter there?' exclaimed the Doctor.
'It's this evil-inclined blue bag,' said Clemency, 'always tripping up somebody!'
'With a purpose and intention in it, I was saying,' resumed Snitchey, 'that commands
respect. Life a farce, Dr. Jeddler? With law in it?'
The Doctor laughed, and looked at Alfred.

'Granted, if you please, that war is foolish,' said Snitchey. 'There we agree. For example.
Here's a smiling country,' pointing it out with his fork, 'once overrun by soldiers -
trespassers every man of 'em - and laid waste by fire and sword. He, he, he! The idea of
any man exposing himself, voluntarily, to fire and sword! Stupid, wasteful, positively
ridiculous; you laugh at your fellow- creatures, you know, when you think of it! But take
this smiling country as it stands. Think of the laws appertaining to real property; to the
bequest and devise of real property; to the mortgage and redemption of real property; to
leasehold, freehold, and copyhold estate; think,' said Mr. Snitchey, with such great
emotion that he actually smacked his lips, 'of the complicated laws relating to title and
proof of title, with all the contradictory precedents and numerous acts of parliament
connected with them; think of the infinite number of ingenious and interminable chancery
suits, to which this pleasant prospect may give rise; and acknowledge, Dr. Jeddler, that
there is a green spot in the scheme about us! I believe,' said Mr. Snitchey, looking at his
partner, 'that I speak for Self and Craggs?'
Mr. Craggs having signified assent, Mr. Snitchey, somewhat freshened by his recent
eloquence, observed that he would take a little more beef and another cup of tea.
'I don't stand up for life in general,' he added, rubbing his hands and chuckling, 'it's full of
folly; full of something worse. Professions of trust, and confidence, and unselfishness,
and all that! Bah, bah, bah! We see what they're worth. But, you mustn't laugh at life;
you've got a game to play; a very serious game indeed! Everybody's playing against you,
you know, and you're playing against them. Oh! it's a very interesting thing. There are
deep moves upon the board. You must only laugh, Dr. Jeddler, when you win - and then
not much. He, he, he! And then not much,' repeated Snitchey, rolling his head and
winking his eye, as if he would have added, 'you may do this instead!'
'Well, Alfred!' cried the Doctor, 'what do you say now?'
'I say, sir,' replied Alfred, 'that the greatest