The Bab Ballads, vol 3

The Project Gutenberg EBook of More Bab Ballads, by W. S. Gilbert
(#4 in our series by W. S. Gilbert)
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Title: More Bab Ballads
Author: W. S. Gilbert
Release Date: June, 1997 [EBook #933]
[This file was first posted on
June 3, 1997]
[Most recently updated: May 21, 2003]
Edition: 10
Language: English
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0. START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, MORE BAB

BALLADS ***
Transcribed by David Price, email [email protected]

MORE BAB BALLADS
Contents:
Mister William
The Bumboat Woman's Story
The Two Ogres

Little Oliver
Pasha Bailey Ben
Lieutenant-Colonel Flare
Lost Mr.
Blake
The Baby's Vengeance
The Captain And The Mermaids

Annie Protheroe. A Legend of Stratford-Le-Bow
An Unfortunate
Likeness
Gregory Parable, LL.D.
The King Of Canoodle-Dum

First Love
Brave Alum Bey
Sir Barnaby Bampton Boo
The
Modest Couple
The Martinet
The Sailor Boy To His Lass
The
Reverend Simon Magus
Damon v. Pythias
My Dream
The
Bishop Of Rum-Ti-Foo Again
A Worm Will Turn
The Haughty
Actor
The Two Majors
Emily, John, James, And I. A Derby
Legend
The Perils Of Invisibility
Old Paul And Old Tim
The
Mystic Selvagee
The Cunning Woman
Phrenology
The Fairy
Curate
The Way Of Wooing
Hongree And Mahry. A Recollection
Of A Surrey Melodrama
Etiquette
Ballad: Mister William
Oh, listen to the tale of MISTER WILLIAM, if you please,
Whom
naughty, naughty judges sent away beyond the seas.
He forged a
party's will, which caused anxiety and strife,
Resulting in his getting
penal servitude for life.
He was a kindly goodly man, and naturally prone,
Instead of taking
others' gold, to give away his own.

But he had heard of Vice, and
longed for only once to strike-- To plan ONE little wickedness--to see
what it was like.
He argued with himself, and said, "A spotless man am I;
I can't be

more respectable, however hard I try!
For six and thirty years I've
always been as good as gold,
And now for half an hour I'll plan
infamy untold!
"A baby who is wicked at the early age of one,
And then
reforms--and dies at thirty-six a spotless son,
Is never, never saddled
with his babyhood's defect,
But earns from worthy men consideration
and respect.
"So one who never revelled in discreditable tricks
Until he reached
the comfortable age of thirty-six,
May then for half an hour perpetrate
a deed of shame,
Without incurring permanent disgrace, or even
blame.
"That babies don't commit such crimes as forgery is true,
But little
sins develop, if you leave 'em to accrue;
And he who shuns all vices
as successive seasons roll,
Should reap at length the benefit of so
much self-control.
"The common sin of babyhood--objecting to be drest--
If you leave it
to accumulate at compound interest,
For anything you know, may
represent, if you're alive,
A burglary or murder at the age of
thirty-five.
"Still, I wouldn't take advantage of this fact, but be content With some
pardonable folly--it's a mere experiment.
The greater the temptation
to go wrong, the less the sin;
So with something that's particularly
tempting I'll begin.
"I would not steal a penny, for my income's very fair--
I do not want a
penny--I have pennies and to spare--
And if I stole a penny from a
money-bag or till,
The sin would be enormous--the temptation being
nil.
"But if I broke asunder all such pettifogging bounds,
And forged a

party's Will for (say) Five Hundred Thousand Pounds, With such an
irresistible temptation to a haul,
Of course the sin must be
infinitesimally small.
"There's WILSON who is dying--he has wealth from Stock and rent-- If
I divert his riches from their natural descent,
I'm placed in a position
to indulge each little whim."
So he diverted them--and they, in turn,
diverted him.
Unfortunately, though, by some unpardonable flaw,
Temptation isn't
recognized by Britain's Common Law;
Men found him out by some
peculiarity of touch,
And WILLIAM got a "lifer," which annoyed
him very much.
For, ah! he never reconciled himself to life in gaol,
He fretted and he
pined, and grew dispirited and pale;
He was numbered like a cabman,
too, which told upon him so
That his spirits, once so buoyant, grew
uncomfortably low.
And sympathetic gaolers would remark, "It's very true,
He ain't been
brought up common, like the likes of me and you." So they took him
into hospital, and gave him mutton