The Ant King: A California Fairy Tale | Page 4

the Black Roach of Death idly as she passed.
Damn Stan anyway, she thought as she crept back through the dark rooms. Am I supposed to do this all by myself? That guy! Big talker, but no action.
On the TV, some CNN talking head was upset about market valuations. "Ten billion for gumballs? This is the perfect example of market froth! I mean there's no business model, there are no barriers to entry; only in today's..."
Sheila switched to MTV and sank into the couch next to the Ant King.
"Hi," said the Ant King drowsily.
"Hi," said Sheila.
"Hey, I missed you," said the Ant King.
"Stick it in your ear," said Sheila.
"Listen, your ambivalence about me is really getting old, Sheila," said the Ant King.
"Ambivalence about you? Dream on," said Sheila. She took a yellow gumball from the dish on the coffee table, popped it in her mouth, and bit down. A crunch, a rush of sweetness, the feeling of her teeth sinking into the gumball's tough flesh. Sheila smiled and blew a bubble. It popped. She wasn't hungry anymore. "I hate your guts," she said.
"Yeah, whatever," said the Ant King, rolling over and pulling a pillow over his head. "Grow up, Sheila."
* * *
The search on Google.com had returned several bands and music CDs, an episode of the King of the Hill cartoon, the "Lair of the Ant King" slide at the local waterpark, and several video games in which the Ant King was one of the villains to beat. Stan listened to the CDs in his car, watched the cartoon in a conference room with a video projector, and installed the video games on a receptionist's computer on the fifth floor and played them at night, hiding from the security guards. He popped down to visit Vampire a lot, and avoided Pringles and his office entirely.
"I'm on level 5," he said, "and I just can't get past the Roach."
"And you've still got the magic sword?" said Vampire, not looking up.
"No, I lost that to the Troll."
"You don't even have to go to the Troll," said Vampire, who never played video games but read the video game newsgroups religiously. "You can cross the Dread Bridge instead."
"I always die on the Dread Bridge when it breaks in two."
"You're not running fast enough," said Vampire. You've got to run as fast as you can, and jump at the last moment."
"It's tough," said Stan.
Vampire shrugged.
"How are things with you?" Stan asked.
"The patch for mod-ssl 1.2.4.2 is totally incompatible with the recommended build sequence for Apache on Solaris. Solaris is such crap."
"Oh," said Stan. "OK."
"Hey, I got you something," Vampire said.
"What?" said Stan.
"That," said Vampire, pointing.
On top of a rack of dusty computers Stan saw a four-foot-long sword in a gilded leather sheath. Its ivory handle depicted a spiral of crawling ants. Stan pulled the sword a little out of its sheath, and an eerie blue light filled the room.
"Cool, huh?" said Vampire. "I got it on eBay."
* * *
Holding his magic sword, Stan left the elevator on the thirtieth floor and cautiously approached his office. He hadn't been there in a week; he felt like he should check in.
Pringles met him at the door. "This isn't your office anymore, sir," she said.
"It's not?" Stan said. He tried to hold the sword at an inconspicuous angle. Pringles ignored it.
"No, sir. We moved Vic in there."
"Oh, really? Say, when do I get to meet Vic, anyway?"
"I'm not sure, sir. He's quite busy these days, with out acquisition of Suriname."
"We're acquiring Suriname? Isn't that a country?"
"Yes, sir. Follow me, please."
"Um, Pringles," said Stan, hurrying to catch up. "Am I, ah, still CEO?"
Pringles opened the door of his new office. It was a lot smaller.
"I'll check with HR, sir," she said, and left.
* * *
That afternoon, as Stan sat at his new, smaller desk, Monique stopped by.
"Hey hey," she said, "so here's where they've got you, huh?"
"Monique, what's going on? Have I been, um, usurped?" It seemed like the wrong word.
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about it, tiger," she said, sinking into a leather visitor's chair, and crossing her legs. "Gumballs is doing great. Vic's doing a good job, you should be proud."
"But Monique - I don't do anything anymore."
"Oh, stop whining," Monique said. She rolled her eyes. "God, you make such a big deal out of everything. Cool sword."
"Thanks," said Stan glumly.
"Look, you're a startup-stage guy, not an operations-stage guy. Just enjoy the ride."
"I guess," said Stan.
"There you go. Listen, you clearly need cheering up. I'm babysitting my sister's kid on the weekend, we're going to the water park. You wanna come?"
"Sure," said Stan. "Why not?"
* * *
Monique came by Stan's apartment Saturday morning, and Stan came outside, dressed in a blue Oxford and chinos and carrying a bathing suit and towel, and his magic sword. Monique was wearing a