The American Cyclops, the Hero of New Orleans, and Spoiler of Silver Spoons

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New Orleans, and Spoiler of Silver Spoons, by James Fairfax
McLaughlin
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Title: The American Cyclops, the Hero of New Orleans, and Spoiler of
Silver Spoons
Author: James Fairfax McLaughlin
Release Date: May 2, 2007 [EBook #21274]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
0. START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK AMERICAN
CYCLOPS ***
Produced by Bryan Ness, David T. Jones and the Online
Distributed
Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This
file was produced
from scans of public domain works at the
University of Michigan's
Making of America collection.)
[Illustration: "A pot-house soldier, he parades by day,
And drunk by night, he sighs the foe to slay." _Page_ 19.]
THE
AMERICAN CYCLOPS,
THE
HERO OF NEW ORLEANS,

AND
SPOILER OF SILVER SPOONS.
Dubbed LL.D.
by
PASQUINO.
BALTIMORE: KELLY & PIET.
1868.
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1867, by
KELLY
& PIET,
In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the
District of Maryland.
Introductory.
The following little illustrated effusion is offered to the public, in the
hope that it may not prove altogether uninteresting, or entirely
inappropriate to the times. The famous pre-historic story of Ulysses and
Polyphemus has received its counterpart in the case of two well-known
personages of our own age and country. Ulysses of old contrived, with
a burning stake, to put out the glaring eye of Polyphemus, the
man-eating Cyclops, and thereby to abridge his power for cannibal
indulgence; while our modern Ulysses, perhaps, mindful of his
classical prototype, is content to leave the new Polyphemus safely
"bottled-up" under the hermetical seal of the saucy Rebel Beauregard.
Although the second Cyclops is yet alive, and still possesses the visual
organ in a squinting degree, a regard for impartial history compels us to
add, that the sword which leapt from its scabbard in front of Fort Fisher,
has fallen from the grasp of the "bottled" chieftain, whether from an
invincible repugnance to warlike deeds, like that which pervaded the
valiant soul of the renowned Falstaff, or because an axe on the public
grindstone is a more congenial weapon in the itching palm of a Knight
of Spoons, has not yet been determined with absolute precision.
The warrior Ulysses, like his namesake of Ithaca, however widely

opinion may militate upon his other qualifications, certainly deserves
the everlasting gratitude of a spoon-desolated country for the strategy
displayed in tearing off the plumes of the American Polyphemus, and
fixing that precious flower of knighthood among the "bottled"
curiosities of natural history.
The American Cyclops.
Progressive age! for contemplation's eye,
Thy checker'd scenes a
glorious field supply;
Time was when Mercury waved the potent
wand,
And Nature brightened in the artist's hand,--
When mind's
dominion round the world was thrown,
Before usurping Mammon
seized the throne.
Aspiring genius, chill thy noble rage,
For baser
uses rule our iron age;
Drive the hard bargain, mart for sordid gain,

And where it will not win, hold honor vain;
[Illustration: "He wakes a patriot, presto, he is clad
As Fallstaff for the battle--raving mad." _Page_ 21.]
To lofty subjects bring the narrow view,
Shift with each scene, and
principle eschew.
Are these the elements of man's success?
Go
where the busy throng all onward press;
Ay, there they flourish and
will long remain,
Till virtue purge the haunts where vice doth reign.

Not to the few the moral taint's confined,
But in its boundless range
infects mankind;
'Twere idle to upbraid the good old plea--
Might
governs all, the rest were mock'ry.
The plumpest fly a sparrow's meal
provides--
The heartless bird its agony derides:
"Nay," quoth
relentless Sparrow, "you must die,
For you, weak thing, are not so
strong as I."
A Hawk surprised him at his dainty meal,
In vain the
Sparrow gasped his last appeal;
[Illustration: "The faithful groom the pawing steed attends,
The maudlin Cyclops all oblique
ascends;

But ere the lambent flames consume the
town
The Cid unhorsed, like Bacchus,
topples down." _Page_ 21.]
"Wherefore, Sir Hawk, must I, thy victim, die?"
"Peace," quoth the
Hawk, "thou art less strong than I."
Grimly an Eagle viewed the state
of matters,
Swoops on Sir Hawk, and tears his flesh to tatters:

"Release me, King, and doom me not to die;"
The Eagle said, "thou
art less strong than I."
A bullet whistled at the victor's word,
And
pierced the bosom of the