The Albany Depot | Page 9

was, and I didn't expect him to transgress the rules, but I wished very much to have my plush bag, because there were some things in it that I wished to have, as well as my purse; for I'd brought away my keys in it; and I knew Willis--how d'ye do, Willis?--would want wine with his dinner, and you'd have to break the closet open if I didn't get the key; and so he said he would see if the person who kept the picked-up things was there yet; and it turned out he was, and he asked me for a description of the bag and its contents; and I described them all, down to the very last thing; and he said I had the greatest memory he ever saw. And now I think everything is going off perfectly, and I shall be able to show Amy that there's something inland as well as at the seaside. Why don't you speak to her, Edward? What is the matter? What are you looking at?" She detects him in the act of craning his neck to this side and that, and peering over people's heads and shoulders in the direction of the door. "Hasn't Norah--Bridget, I mean--come yet?" She frowns significantly, and cautions him concerning Mrs. Campbell by pressing her finger to her lip.
Roberts: "Yes--yes, she's here; I suppose she's--she's here. How do you do, Amy? So glad--" He continues his furtive inspection of the door-way, and Willis turns away with a snicker.
Mrs. Campbell: "Willis, what are you laughing at? Is there anything wrong with my bonnet? Agnes, is there? He would let me go about looking like a perfect auk. Did I bang it getting out of the coupe. Do tell me, Willis!"
Mrs. Roberts, to her husband: "You don't mean to say you haven't seen her yet?"
Roberts, desperately: "Seen her? How should I know whether I've seen her? I never saw her in my life."
Mrs. Roberts: "Then what are you looking for, in that way?"
Roberts: "I--I'm looking for her husband."
Mrs. Roberts: "Her husband?"
Roberts: "Yes. He keeps coming back." Campbell bursts into a wild shriek of laughter.
Mrs. Roberts, imploringly: "Willis, what does it mean?"
Mrs. Campbell, threateningly: "Willis, if you don't behave yourself--"
Mrs. Roberts, with the calm of despair: "Well, then, she isn't coming! She's given us the slip! I might have known it! Well, the cat might as well come out of the bag first as last, Amy, though I was trying to keep it in, to spare your feelings; I knew you'd be so full of sympathy." Suddenly to her husband: "But if you saw her husband--Did he say she sent him? I didn't dream of her being married. How do you know it's her husband?"
Roberts: "Because--because she went out and got him! Don't I tell you?"
Mrs. Roberts: "Went out and got him?"
Roberts: "When I spoke to her."
Mrs. Roberts: "When you spoke to her? But you said you didn't see her!"
Roberts: "Of course I didn't see her. How should I see her, when I never saw her before? I went up and spoke to her, and she said she wasn't the one. She was very angry, and she went out and got her husband. He was tipsy, and he's been coming back ever since. I don't know what to do about the wretched creature. He says I've insulted his abominable wife!"
Campbell, laughing: "O Lord! Lord! This will be the death of me!"
Mrs. Campbell: "This is one of your tricks, Willis; one of your vile practical jokes."
Campbell: "No, no, my dear! I couldn't invent anything equal to this. Oh my! oh my!"
Mrs. Campbell, seizing him by the arm: "Well, if you don't tell, instantly, what it is--"
Campbell: "But I _can't_ tell. I promised Roberts I wouldn't."
Roberts, wildly: "Oh, tell, tell!"
Campbell: "About the cook, too, Agnes?"
Mrs. Roberts: "Yes, yes; everything! Only tell!"
Campbell, struggling to recover himself: "Why, you see, Agnes engaged a cook, up-town--"
Mrs. Roberts: "I didn't want you to know it, Amy. I thought you would be troubled if you knew you were coming to visit me just when I was trying to break in a new cook, and so I told Edward not to let Willis know. Go on, Willis."
Mrs. Campbell: "And I understand just how you felt about it, Agnes; you knew he'd laugh. Go on, Willis."
Campbell: "And she sent her down here, and told Roberts to keep her till she came herself."
Both Ladies: "Well?"
Campbell: "And I found poor old Roberts here, looking out for a cook that he'd never seen before, and expecting to recognize a woman that he'd never met in his life." He explodes in another fit of laughter. The ladies stare at him in mystification.
Mrs. Roberts: "I would have stayed myself to meet her, but I'd left my plush bag with my purse in it at