The Albany Depot | Page 5

Campbell: "Well?"
Roberts: "And she told me she was no more a cook than my wife was;
and she said she'd teach me to be playing my jokes on ladies; and she
grabbed up her things and flew out of the room."
Campbell; "Waddled, I should have said. But this is pretty serious,
Roberts. She may be a relation of John L. Sullivan's. I guess we better
get out of here; or, no, we can't! We've got to wait for Amy and
Agnes."
Roberts: "What--what would you do?"
Campbell: "I don't know. Look here, Roberts: would you mind sitting a
little way off, so as to look as if I didn't belong with you? I don't want
to be involved in this little row of yours unnecessarily."
Roberts: "Oh, come now, Willis! You don't think she'll make any
trouble? I apologized. I said everything I could think of. She must think
I was sincere."
Campbell: "In taking her for a cook? I've no doubt she did. But I don't
see how that would help matters. I don't suppose she's gone for an
officer; but I suspect she's looking up the largest Irishman of her
acquaintance, to come back and interview you. I should advise you to
go out and get on some train; I'd willingly wait here for Amy and
Agnes; but you see the real cook might come here, after you went, and
I shouldn't know her from Adam--or Eve. See?"

Roberts, desperately. "I see--Good heavens! Here comes that woman
back; and a man with her. Willis, you must help me out." Roberts gets
falteringly to his feet, and stands in helpless apprehension, while Mr.
and Mrs. McIlheny bear down upon him from the door. Mr. McIlheny,
a small and wiry Irishman, is a little more vivid for the refreshment he
has taken. He is in his best black suit, and the silk hat which he wears at
a threatening slant gives dignified impressiveness to his figure and
carriage. With some dumb-show of inquiry and assurance between
himself and his wife, he plants himself in front of Roberts, in an
attitude equally favorable for offence and defence.

III
_THE McILHENYS, ROBERTS, AND CAMPBELL_
McIlheny: "And are ye the mahn that's after takun' my wife for yer
cuke?"
Mrs. McIlheny, indicating Campbell, absorbed in his magazine: "And
there's the other wan I saw jokun' wid um, and puttun' um up to it."
McIlheny, after a swift glance at Campbell's proportions and
self-possession: "That's what ye're after thinkun', Mary; but I haven't
got annything to do with what ye're after thinkun'. All I wannt to know
is what this mahn meant by preshumin' to speak to a lady he didn't
know, and takun' her for a cuke." To Roberts: "Will ye tell me that,
ye--"
Roberts, in extreme embarrassment: "Yes, yes, certainly; I shall be very
glad to explain, if you'll just step here to the corner. We're attracting
attention where we are--"
McIlheny: "Attintion! Do ye suppose I care for attintion, when it's me
wife that's been insulted?" He follows Roberts up, with Mrs. McIlheny,
as he retires to the corner where she had been sitting, out of the way of
the people coming and going. Campbell, after a moment, closes his
magazine, and joins them.
Roberts: "Insulted? By no manner of means! Nothing was further from
my thoughts. I--I--can explain it all in a moment, my dear sir, if you
will have patience; I can indeed. I have the highest respect for the lady,
and I'm quite incapable of offering her an affront. The fact is--I hardly
know how to begin--"

McIlheny: "Go ahn, sor; or I'll have to do the beginnun' meself, pretty
soon." He shifts himself from one foot to another with a saltatory
briskness.
Roberts: "The fact is, my wife had engaged a cook, up-town, and she
had sent her down here to meet me, and go out with me to our summer
place at Weston."
McIlheny: "An' fwhat has all that rigamarole to do wid your speakin' to
a lady ye'd never been inthrojuced to? Fwhat had yer wife's cuke to do
with Mrs. McIlheny?"
Roberts: "Why, I didn't know the cook by sight, you see. My wife had
engaged her up-town, and appointed her to meet me here, without
reflecting that I had never seen her, and wouldn't know who she was,
when I did see her; she partly expected to be here herself, and so I
didn't reflect, either."
McIlheny, with signs of an amicable interest: "An' she lift ye to mate a
lady ye never had seen before, and expicted ye to know her by soight?"
Roberts: "Precisely."
McIlheny, smiling: "Well, that's loike a wooman, Mary; ye can't say it
ain't."
Mrs. McIlheny, grinning: "It's loike a mahn, too, Mike, by the same