The Adventures of Mr. Verdant Green | Page 2

MR. VERDANT GREEN DISCOVERS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TOWN AND GOWN ........................................145
[6 CONTENTS]
CHAP. PAGE
V MR. VERDANT GREEN IS FAVOURED WITH MR BOUNCER'S OPINIONS REGARDING AN UNDERGRADUATE'S EPISTOLARY COMMUNICATIONS TO HIS MATERNAL RELATIVE ..157
VI MR. VERDANT GREEN FEATHERS HIS OARS WITH SKILL AND DEXTERITY .......................................167
VII MR. VERDANT GREEN PARTAKES OF A DOVE-TART AND A SPREAD-EAGLE .......................................176
VIII MR. VERDANT GREEN SPENDS A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR ....................................184
IX MR. VERDANT GREEN MAKES HIS FIRST APPEARANCE ON ANY BOARDS ...........................................191
X MR. VERDANT GREEN ENJOYS A REAL CIGAR ...............202
XI MR. VERDANT GREEN GETS THROUGH HIS SMALLS ...........209
XII MR. VERDANT GREEN AND HIS FRIENDS ENJOY THE COMMEMORATION .......................................2l8

PART III
I MR. VERDANT GREEN TRAVELS NORTH .....................222
II MR. VERDANT GREEN DELIVERS MISS PATTY HONEYWOOD FROM THE HORNS OF A DILEMMA .........................227
III MR. VERDANT GREEN STUDIES YE MANNERS AND CUSTOMS OF YE NATYVES .......................................238
IV MR. VERDANT GREEN ENDEAVOURS TO SAY SNIP TO SOME ONE'S SNAP .......................................243
V MR. VERDANT GREEN MEETS WITH THE GREEN-EYED MONSTER .............................................251
VI MR. VERDANT GREEN JOINS A NORTHUMBERLAND PIC-NIC .............................................258
VII MR. VERDANT GREEN HAS AN INKLING OF THE FUTURE ......265
VIII MR. VERDANT GREEN CROSSES THE RUBICON ...............271
IX MR. VERDANT GREEN ASKS PAPA .........................280
X MR. VERDANT GREEN IS MADE A MASON ...................288
XI MR. VERDANT GREEN BREAKFASTS WITH MR. BOUNCER AND ENTERS FOR A GRIND .............................297
XII MR. VERDANT GREEN TAKES HIS DEGREE ..................302
XIII MR. VERDANT GREEN IS MARRIED AND DONE FOR ...........309
[7 ] THE ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN
CHAPTER I
MR. VERDANT GREEN'S RELATIVES AND ANTECEDENTS
IF you will refer to the unpublished volume of "Burke's Landed Gentry", and turn to letter G, article "GREEN," you will see that the Verdant Greens are a family of some respectability and of considerable antiquity. We meet with them as early as 1096, flocking to the Crusades among the followers of Peter the Hermit, when one of their name, Greene surnamed the Witless, mortgaged his lands in order to supply his poorer companions with the sinews of war. The family estate, however, appears to have been redeemed and greatly increased by his great-grandson, Hugo de Greene, but was again jeoparded in the year 1456, when Basil Greene, being commissioned by Henry the Sixth to enrich his sovereign by discovering the philosopher's stone, squandered the greater part of his fortune in unavailing experiments; while his son, who was also infected with the spirit of the age, was blown up in his laboratory when just on the point of discovering the elixir of life. It seems to have been about this time that the Greenes became connected by marriage with the equally old family of the Verdants; and, in the year 1510, we find a Verdant Greene as justice of the peace for the county of Warwick, presiding at the trial of three decrepid old women, who, being found guilty of transforming themselves into cats, and in that shape attending the nightly assemblies of evil spirits, were very properly pronounced by him to be witches, and were burnt with all due solemnity.
In tracing the records of the family, we do not find that any of its members attained to great eminence in the state, either in the counsels of the senate or the active services of the field; or that they amassed any unusual amount of wealth or landed property. But we may perhaps ascribe these circumstances to the fact of finding the Greens, generation after generation, made the dupes of more astute minds, and when the hour of
[8 ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN]
danger came, left to manage their own affairs in the best way they could - a way that commonly ended in their mismanagement and total confusion. Indeed, the idiosyncrasy of the family appears to have been so well known, that we continually meet with them performing the character of catspaw to some monkey who had seen and understood much more of the world than they had - putting their hands to the fire, and only finding out their mistake when they had burned their fingers.
In this way the family of the Verdant Greens never got beyond a certain point either in wealth or station, but were always the same unsuspicious, credulous, respectable, easy-going people in one century as another, with the same boundless confidence in their fellow-creatures, and the same readiness to oblige society by putting their names to little bills, merely for form's and friendship's sake. The Vavasour Verdant Green, with the slashed velvet doublet and point-lace fall, who (having a well-stocked purse) was among the favoured courtiers of the Merry Monarch, and who allowed that monarch in his merriness to borrow his purse, with the simple I.O.U. of "Odd's fish! you shall take mine to-morrow!" and who never (of course) saw the sun rise on the day of repayment, was but the prototype of the Verdant Greens in the full-bottomed wigs, and buckles and shorts of George I's