The Acharnians | Page 9

here the hostages of Acharnae;[1] I shall disembowel them.
f[1] That is, the baskets of charcoal.
CHORUS Acharnians, what means this threat? Has he got one of our
children in his house? What gives him such audacity?
DICAEOPOLIS Stone me, if it please you; I shall avenge myself on
this. (SHOWS A BASKET.) Let us see whether you have any love for
your coals.
CHORUS Great Gods! this basket is our fellow-citizen. Stop, stop, in
heaven's name!
DICAEOPOLIS I shall dismember it despite your cries; I will listen to
nothing.
CHORUS How! will you kill this coal-basket, my beloved comrade?
DICAEOPOLIS Just now, you would not listen to me.
CHORUS Well, speak now, if you will; tell us, tell us you have a
weakness for the Lacedaemonians. I consent to anything; never will I
forsake this dear little basket.
DICAEOPOLIS First, throw down your stones.
CHORUS There! 'tis done. And you, do put away your sword.
DICAEOPOLIS Let me see that no stones remain concealed in your
cloaks.
CHORUS They are all on the ground; see how we shake our garments.
Come, no haggling, lay down your sword; we threw away everything

while crossing from one side of the stage to the other.[1]
f[1] The stage of the Greek theatre was much broader, and at the same
time shallower, than in a modern playhouse.
DICAEOPOLIS What cries of anguish you would have uttered had
these coals of Parnes[1] been dismembered, and yet it came very near it;
had they perished, their death would have been due to the folly of their
fellow-citizens. The poor basket was so frightened, look, it has shed a
thick black dust over me, the same as a cuttle-fish does. What an
irritable temper! You shout and throw stones, you will not hear my
arguments--not even when I propose to speak in favour of the
Lacedaemonians with my head on the block; and yet I cling to life.
f[1] A mountain in Attica, in the neighbourhood of Acharnae.
CHORUS Well then, bring out a block before your door, scoundrel,
and let us hear the good grounds you can give us; I am curious to know
them. Now mind, as you proposed yourself, place your head on the
block and speak.
DICAEOPOLIS Here is the block; and, though I am but a very sorry
speaker, I wish nevertheless to talk freely of the Lacedaemonians and
without the protection of my buckler. Yet I have many reasons for fear.
I know our rustics; they are delighted if some braggart comes, and
rightly or wrongly, loads both them and their city with praise and
flattery; they do not see that such toad-eaters[1] are traitors, who sell
them for gain. As for the old men, I know their weakness; they only
seek to overwhelm the accused with their votes.[2] Nor have I forgotten
how Cleon treated me because of my comedy last year;[3] he dragged
me before the Senate and there he uttered endless slanders against me;
'twas a tempest of abuse, a deluge of lies. Through what a slough of
mud he dragged me! I almost perished. Permit me, therefore, before I
speak, to dress in the manner most likely to draw pity.
f[1] Orators in the pay of the enemy. f[2] Satire on the Athenians'
addiction to law-suits. f[3] 'The Babylonians.' Cleon had denounced
Aristophanes to the Senate for having scoffed at Athens before
strangers, many of whom were present at the performance. The play is
now lost.
CHORUS What evasions, subterfuges and delays! Hold! here is the
sombre helmet of Pluto with its thick bristling plume; Hieronymus[1]
lends it to you; then open Sisyphus'[2] bag of wiles; but hurry, hurry,

pray, for discussion does not admit of delay.
f[1] A tragic poet; we know next to nothing of him or his works. f[2]
Son of Aeolus, renowned in fable for his robberies, and for the tortures
to which he was put by Pluto. He was cunning enough to break loose
out of hell, but Hermes brought him back again.
DICAEOPOLIS The time has come for me to manifest my courage, so
I will go and seek Euripides. Ho! slave, slave!
SLAVE Who's there?
DICAEOPOLIS Is Euripides at home?
SLAVE He is and he isn't; understand that, if you have wit for't.
DICAEOPOLIS How? He is and he isn't![1]
f[1] This whole scene is directed at Euripides; Aristophanes ridicules
the subtleties of his poetry and the trickeries of his staging, which,
according to him, he only used to attract the less refined among his
audience.
SLAVE Certainly, old man; busy gathering subtle fancies here and
there, his mind is not in the house, but he himself is; perched aloft, he is
composing a tragedy.
DICAEOPOLIS Oh, Euripides, you are indeed happy to have a slave so
quick at repartee! Now,