Talks on Talking | Page 2

made up of seemingly
insignificant courtesies, and of constant little attentions. A person of
charming manner is usually free from resentments, inquisitiveness, and
moods.
Personality plays a large part in interesting conversation. Precisely the
same phraseology expressed by two different persons may make two
wholly different impressions, and all because of the difference in the
personalities of the speakers.
The daily mental life of a man indelibly impresses itself upon his face,
where it can be unmistakably read by others. What a person is, innately
and habitually, unconsciously discloses itself in voice, manner, and
bearing. The world ultimately appraises a man at his true value.
The best type of talker is slow to express positive opinions, is sparing
in criticism, and studiously avoids a tone or word of finality. It has
been well said that "A talker who monopolizes the conversation is by
common consent insufferable, and a man who regulates his choice of

topics by reference to what interests not his hearers but himself has yet
to learn the alphabet of the art. Conversation is like lawn-tennis, and
requires alacrity in return at least as much as vigor in service. A happy
phrase, an unexpected collocation of words, a habitual precision in the
choice of terms, are rare and shining ornaments of conversation, but
they do not for an instant supply the place of lively and interesting
matter, and an excessive care for them is apt to tell unfavorably on the
substance of discourse."
When Lord Beaconsfield was talking his way into social fame,
someone said of him, "I might as well attempt to gather up the foam of
the sea as to convey an idea of the extraordinary language in which he
clothed his description. There were at least five words in every
sentence that must have been very much astonished at the use they
were put to, and yet no others apparently could so well have expressed
his idea. He talked like a racehorse approaching the
winning-post--every muscle in action, and the utmost energy of
expression flung out into every burst."
We are told that Matthew Arnold combined all the characteristics of
good conversation--politeness, vivacity, sympathy, interestedness,
geniality, a happy choice of words, and a never-failing humor. When he
was once asked what was his favorite topic for conversation, he
instantly answered, "That in which my companion is most interested."
Courtesy, it will be noted, is the fundamental basis of good
conversation. We must show habitual consideration and kindliness
towards others if we would attract them to us. Bluntness of manner is
no longer excused on the ground that the speaker is sincere and
outspoken. We expect and demand that our companion in conversation
should observe the recognized courtesies of speech.
There was a time when men and women indulged freely in satire, irony,
and repartee. They spoke their thoughts plainly and unequivocally.
There were no restraints imposed upon them by society, hence it now
appears to us that many things were said which might better have been
left unsaid. Self-restraint is nowadays one of the cardinal virtues of
good conversation.

The spirit of conversation is greatly changed. We are enjoined to keep
the voice low, think before we speak, repress unseasonable allusions,
shun whatever may cause a jar or jolt in the minds of others, be seldom
prominent in conversation, and avoid all clashing of opinion and
collision of feeling.
Macaulay was fond of talking, but made the mistake of always
choosing a subject to suit himself and monopolizing the conversation.
He lectured rather than talked. His marvelous memory was perhaps his
greatest enemy, for though it enabled him to pour forth great masses of
facts, people listened to him helplessly rather than admiringly.
Carlyle was a great talker, and talked much in protest of talking. No
man broke silence oftener than he to tell the world how great a curse is
talking. But he told it eloquently and therein was he justified. There
was in him too much vehement sternness, of hard Scotch granite, to
make him a pleasant talker in the popular sense. He was the evangelist
of golden silence, and though he did not apparently practice it himself,
his genius will never diminish.
Gladstone was unable to indulge in small talk. His mind was so
constantly occupied with great subjects that he spoke even to one
person as if addressing a meeting. It is said that in conversation with
Queen Victoria he would invariably choose weighty subjects, and
though she tried to make a digression, he would seize the first
opportunity to resume his original theme, always reinforced in volume
and onrush by the delay.
Lord Morley is attractive though austere in conversation. He never
dogmatizes nor obtrudes his own opinions. He is a master of
phrase-making. But although he talks well he never talks