Tales of St. Austins

Tales of St. Austin's

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Title: Tales of St. Austin's
Author: P. G. Wodehouse
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TALES OF ST AUSTIN'S

by P. G. Wodehouse
1903

PREFACE
Most of these stories originally appeared in The Captain. I am indebted
to the Editor of that magazine for allowing me to republish. The rest are
from the Public School Magazine. The story entitled 'A Shocking
Affair' appears in print for the first time. 'This was one of our failures.'
_P. G. Wodehouse_

[Dedication] AD MATREM

CONTENTS
1 How Pillingshot Scored
2 The Odd Trick
3 L'Affaire Uncle John (A Story in Letters)
4 Harrison's Slight Error
5 Bradshaw's Little Story
6 A Shocking Affair
7 The Babe and the Dragon
8 The Manoeuvres of Charteris
9 How Payne Bucked Up
10 Author!

11 'The Tabby Terror'
12 The Prize Poem
13 Work
14 Notes
15 Now, Talking About Cricket--
16 The Tom Brown Question

[1]
HOW PILLINGSHOT SCORED
Pillingshot was annoyed. He was disgusted, mortified; no other word
for it. He had no objection, of course, to Mr Mellish saying that his
work during the term, and especially his Livy, had been disgraceful. A
master has the right to say that sort of thing if he likes. It is one of the
perquisites of the position. But when he went on to observe, without a
touch of shame, that there would be an examination in the Livy as far
as they had gone in it on the following Saturday, Pillingshot felt that he
exceeded. It was not playing the game. There were the examinations at
the end of term. Those were fair enough. You knew exactly when they
were coming, and could make your arrangements accordingly. But to
spring an examination on you in the middle of the term out of a blue
sky, as it were, was underhand and unsportsmanlike, and would not do
at all. Pillingshot wished that he could put his foot down. He would
have liked to have stalked up to Mr Mellish's desk, fixed him with a
blazing eye, and remarked, 'Sir, withdraw that remark. Cancel that
statement instantly, or--!' or words to that effect.
What he did say was: 'Oo, si-i-r!!'
'Yes,' said Mr Mellish, not troubling to conceal his triumph at
Pillingshot's reception of the news, 'there will be a Livy examination
next Saturday. And--' (he almost intoned this last
observation)--'anybody who does not get fifty per cent, Pillingshot,
fifty per cent, will be severely punished. Very severely punished,
Pillingshot.'
After which the lesson had proceeded on its course.
'Yes, it is rather low, isn't it?' said Pillingshot's friend, Parker, as
Pillingshot came to the end of a stirring excursus on the rights of the
citizen, with special reference to mid-term Livy examinations. 'That's
the worst of Mellish. He always has you somehow.'

'But what am I to _do_?' raved Pillingshot.
'I should advise you to swot it up before Saturday,' said Parker.
'Oh, don't be an ass,' said Pillingshot, irritably.
What was the good of friends if they could only make idiotic
suggestions like that?
He retired, brooding, to his house.
The day was Wednesday. There were only two more days, therefore, in
which to prepare a quarter of a book of Livy. It couldn't be done. The
thing was not possible.
In the house he met Smythe.
'What are you going to do about it?' he inquired. Smythe was top of the
form, and if he didn't