Tales from the Arabic | Page 3

to thee this [saying] by the story of
the lackpenny and the cook. Know, O my lord, that

STORY OF THE LACKPENNY AND THE COOK.

One of the good-for-noughts found himself one day without aught and
the world was straitened upon him and his patience failed; so he lay
down to sleep and gave not over sleeping till the sun burnt him and the

foam came out upon his mouth, whereupon he arose, and he was
penniless and had not so much as one dirhem. Presently, he came to the
shop of a cook, who had set up therein his pans[FN#9] [over the fire]
and wiped his scales and washed his saucers and swept his shop and
sprinkled it; and indeed his oils[FN#10] were clear[FN#11] and his
spices fragrant and he himself stood behind his cooking-pots [waiting
for custom]. So the lackpenny went up to him and saluting him, said to
him, 'Weigh me half a dirhem's worth of meat and a quarter of a
dirhem's worth of kouskoussou[FN#12] and the like of bread.' So the
cook weighed out to him [that which he sought] and the lackpenny
entered the shop, whereupon the cook set the food before him and he
ate till he had gobbled up the whole and licked the saucers and abode
perplexed, knowing not how he should do with the cook concerning the
price of that which he had eaten and turning his eyes about upon
everything in the shop.
Presently, he caught sight of an earthen pan turned over upon its mouth;
so he raised it from the ground and found under it a horse's tail, freshly
cut off, and the blood oozing from it; whereby he knew that the cook
adulterated his meat with horses' flesh. When he discovered this default,
he rejoiced therein and washing his hands, bowed his head and went
out; and when the cook saw that he went and gave him nought, he cried
out, saying, 'Stay, O sneak, O slink-thief!' So the lackpenny stopped
and said to him, 'Dost thou cry out upon me and becall [me] with these
words, O cuckold?' Whereat the cook was angry and coming down
from the shop, said, 'What meanest thou by thy speech, O thou that
devourest meat and kouskoussou and bread and seasoning and goest
forth with "Peace[FN#13][be on thee!]," as it were the thing had not
been, and payest down nought for it?' Quoth the lackpenny, 'Thou liest,
O son of a cuckold!' Wherewith the cook cried out and laying hold of
the lackpenny's collar, said, 'O Muslims, this fellow is my first
customer[FN#14] this day and he hath eaten my food and given me
nought.'
So the folk gathered together to them and blamed the lackpenny and
said to him, 'Give him the price of that which thou hast eaten.' Quoth he,
'I gave him a dirhem before I entered the shop;' and the cook said, 'Be

everything I sell this day forbidden[FN#15] to me, if he gave me so
much as the name of a piece of money! By Allah, he gave me nought,
but ate my food and went out and [would have] made off, without
aught [said I]' 'Nay,' answered the lackpenny, 'I gave thee a dirhem,'
and he reviled the cook, who returned his abuse; whereupon he dealt
him a cuff and they gripped and grappled and throttled each other.
When the folk saw them on this wise, they came up to them and said to
them, 'What is this strife between you, and no cause for it?' 'Ay, by
Allah,' replied the lackpenny, 'but there is a cause for it, and the cause
hath a tail!' Whereupon, 'Yea, by Allah,' cried the cook, 'now thou
mindest me of thyself and thy dirhem! Yes, he gave me a dirhem and
[but] a quarter of the price is spent. Come back and take the rest of the
price of thy dirhem.' For that he understood what was to do, at the
mention of the tail; and I, O my brother," added Aboulhusn, "my story
hath a cause, which I will tell thee."
The Khalif laughed at his speech and said, "By Allah, this is none other
than a pleasant tale! Tell me thy story and the cause." "With all my
heart," answered Aboulhusn. "Know, O my lord, that my name is
Aboulhusn el Khelia and that my father died and left me wealth galore,
of which I made two parts. One I laid up and with the other I betook
myself to [the enjoyment of the pleasures of] friendship [and
conviviality] and consorting with comrades and boon-companions and
with the sons of the merchants, nor did I leave one but I caroused with
him and he with me, and I spent all my money on companionship