Tales and Novels, vol 6 | Page 6

Miss Nugent, and Mr. Soho, standing at a large table, which was covered with rolls of paper, patterns, and drawings of furniture: Mr. Soho was speaking in a conceited, dictatorial tone, asserting that there was no "colour in nature for that room equal to _the belly-o'-the fawn_;" which _belly-o'-the fawn_ he so pronounced, that Lady Clonbrony understood it to be la belle uniforme, and, under this mistake, repeated and assented to the assertion, till it was set to rights, with condescending superiority, by the upholsterer. This first architectural upholsterer of the age, as he styled himself, and was universally admitted to be by all the world of fashion, then, with full powers given to him, spoke _en ma?tre_. The whole face of things must be changed. There must be new hangings, new draperies, new cornices, new candelabras, new every thing!--
"The upholsterer's eye, in fine frenzy rolling, Glances from ceiling to floor, from floor to ceiling; And, as imagination bodies forth The form of things unknown, the upholsterer's pencil Turns them to shape, and gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a NAME."
Of the value of a NAME no one could be more sensible than Mr. Soho.
"Your la'ship sees--this is merely a scratch of my pencil. Your la'ship's sensible--just to give you an idea of the shape, the form of the thing. You fill up your angles here with _encoinières_--round your walls with the _Turkish tent drapery_--a fancy of my own--in apricot cloth, or crimson velvet, suppose, or, en flute, in crimson satin draperies, fanned and riched with gold fringes, _en suite_--intermediate spaces, Apollo's head with gold rays--and here, ma'am, you place four _chancelières_, with chimeras at the corners, covered with blue silk and silver fringe, elegantly fanciful--with my STATIRA CANOPY here--light blue silk draperies--a?rial tint, with silver balls--and for seats here, the SERAGLIO OTTOMANS, superfine scarlet--your paws--griffin--golden--and golden tripods, here, with antique cranes--and oriental alabaster tables here and there--quite appropriate, your la'ship feels.
"And let me reflect. For the next apartment, it strikes me--as your la'ship don't value expense--the _Alhambra hangings_--my own thought entirely--Now, before I unrol them, Lady Clonbrony, I must beg you'll not mention I've shown them. I give you my sacred honour, not a soul has set eye upon the Alhambra hangings except Mrs. Dareville, who stole a peep; I refused, absolutely refused, the Duchess of Torcaster--but I can't refuse your la'ship--So see, ma'am-- (unrolling them)--scagliola porphyry columns supporting the grand dome--entablature, silvered and decorated with imitative bronze ornaments: under the entablature, a valence in pelmets, of puffed scarlet silk, would have an unparalleled grand effect, seen through the arches--with the TREBISOND TRELLICE PAPER, Would make a tout ensemble, novel beyond example. On that trebisond trellice paper, I confess, ladies, I do pique myself.
"Then, for the little room, I recommend turning it temporarily into a Chinese pagoda, with this Chinese pagoda paper, with the porcelain border, and josses, and jars, and beakers, to match; and I can venture to promise one vase of pre-eminent size and beauty.--Oh, indubitably! if your la'ship prefers it, you can have the Egyptian hieroglyphic paper, with the ibis border to match!--The only objection is, one sees it every where--quite antediluvian--gone to the hotels even; but, to be sure, if your la'ship has a fancy--at all events, I humbly recommend, what her grace of Torcaster longs to patronise, my MOON CURTAINS, with candlelight draperies. A demi-saison elegance this--I hit off yesterday--and--True, your la'ship's quite correct--out of the common completely. And, of course, you'd have the sphynx candelabras, and the phoenix argands--Oh! nothing else lights now, ma'am!--Expense!--Expense of the whole!--Impossible to calculate here on the spot!--but nothing at all worth your ladyship's consideration!"
At another moment, Lord Colambre might have been amused with all this rhodomontade, and with the airs and voluble conceit of the orator; but, after what he had heard at Mr. Mordicai's, this whole scene struck him more with melancholy than with mirth. He was alarmed by the prospect of new and unbounded expense; provoked, almost past enduring, by the jargon and impertinence of this upholsterer; mortified and vexed to the heart, to see his mother the dupe, the sport of such a coxcomb.
"Prince of puppies!--Insufferable!--My own mother!" Lord Colambre repeated to himself, as he walked hastily up and down the room.
"Colambre, won't you let us have your judgment--your _teeste_?" said his mother.
"Excuse me, ma'am--I have no taste, no judgment in these things."
He sometimes paused, and looked at Mr. Soho, with a strong inclination to--. But knowing that he should say too much if he said any thing, he was silent; never dared to approach the council table--but continued walking up and down the room, till he heard a voice which at once arrested his attention and soothed his ire. He approached the table instantly, and listened, whilst Miss Nugent said every