Studies in the Psychology of Sex, Volume 1 | Page 6

early taught to little girls by their
mothers, and with extreme jealousy, one might say, by esprit de corps.
They are watching in advance over the happiness of the future lover. To
a timid and tender woman there ought to be no greater torture than to
allow herself in the presence of a man something which she thinks she
ought to blush at. I am convinced that a proud woman would prefer a
thousand deaths. A slight liberty taken on the tender side by the man
she loves gives a woman a moment of keen pleasure, but if he has the
air of blaming her for it, or only of not enjoying it with transport, an
awful doubt must be left in her mind. For a woman above the vulgar
level there is, then, everything to gain by very reserved manners. The
play is not equal. She hazards against a slight pleasure, or against the
advantage of appearing a little amiable, the danger of biting remorse,
and a feeling of shame which must render even the lover less dear. An
evening passed gaily and thoughtlessly, without thinking of what

comes after, is dearly paid at this price. The sight of a lover with whom
one fears that one has had this kind of wrong must become odious for
several days. Can one be surprised at the force of a habit, the slightest
infractions of which are punished with such atrocious shame? As to the
utility of modesty, it is the mother of love. As to the mechanism of the
feeling, nothing is simpler. The mind is absorbed in feeling shame
instead of being occupied with desire. Desires are forbidden, and
desires lead to actions. It is evident that every tender and proud
woman--and these two things, being cause and effect, naturally go
together--must contract habits of coldness which the people whom she
disconcerts call prudery. The power of modesty is so great that a tender
woman betrays herself with her lover rather by deeds than by words.
The evil of modesty is that it constantly leads to falsehood." (Stendhal,
De l'Amour, Chapter XXIV.)
It thus happens that, as Adler remarks (Die Mangelhafte
Geschlechtsempfindung des Weibes, p. 133), the sexual impulse in
women is fettered by an inhibition which has to be conquered. A thin
veil of reticence, shyness, and anxiety is constantly cast anew over a
woman's love, and her wooer, in every act of courtship, has the
enjoyment of conquering afresh an oft-won woman.
An interesting testimony to the part played by modesty in effecting the
union of the sexes is furnished by the fact--to which attention has often
been called--that the special modesty of women usually tends to
diminish, though not to disappear, with the complete gratification of the
sexual impulses. This may be noted among savage as well as among
civilized women. The comparatively evanescent character of modesty
has led to the argument (Venturi, Degenerazioni Psico-sessuali, pp.
92-93) that modesty (pudore) is possessed by women alone, men
exhibiting, instead, a sense of decency which remains at about the same
level of persistency throughout life. Viazzi ("Pudore nell 'uomo e nella
donna," Rivista Mensile di Psichiatria Forense, 1898), on the contrary,
following Sergi, argues that men are, throughout, more modest than
women; but the points he brings forward, though often just, scarcely
justify his conclusion. While the young virgin, however, is more
modest and shy than the young man of the same age, the experienced

married woman is usually less so than her husband, and in a woman
who is a mother the shy reticences of virginal modesty would be rightly
felt to be ridiculous. ("Les petites pudeurs n'existent pas pour les
mères," remarks Goncourt, Journal des Goncourt, vol. iii, p. 5.) She
has put off a sexual livery that has no longer any important part to play
in life, and would, indeed, be inconvenient and harmful, just as a bird
loses its sexual plumage when the pairing season is over.
Madame Céline Renooz, in an elaborate study of the psychological
sexual differences between men and women (Psychologie Comparée de
l'Homme et de la Femme, 1898, pp. 85-87), also believes that modesty
is not really a feminine characteristic. "Modesty," she argues, "is
masculine shame attributed to women for two reasons: first, because
man believes that woman is subject to the same laws as himself;
secondly, because the course of human evolution has reversed the
psychology of the sexes, attributing to women the psychological results
of masculine sexuality. This is the origin of the conventional lies which
by a sort of social suggestion have intimidated women. They have, in
appearance at least, accepted the rule of shame imposed on them by
men, but only custom inspires the modesty for which they are praised;
it is really an outrage to their sex.