Stray Thoughts for Girls | Page 9

little perquisites or
shortening his office hours. She would feel with De Tocqueville, who
says, "A hundred times I have seen weak men show real public virtue,
because they had by their sides women who supported them--not by
advice as to particulars, but by fortifying their feelings of duty, and by
directing their ambition. More frequently, I must confess, I have

observed the domestic influence gradually transforming a man,
naturally generous, noble, and unselfish, into a cowardly, commonplace,
place-hunting, self-seeker, thinking of public business only as the
means of making himself comfortable; and this simply by daily contact
with a well-conducted woman, a faithful wife, an excellent mother, but
from whose mind the grand notion of public duty was entirely absent."
The husband of "a superior woman" is usually much to be pitied, but
surely the reason is that the woman is not superior enough. She has
capabilities and knowledge, and has learnt to value them, and is right in
so doing, but she has not learnt the next page of Life's Lesson Book,
which is, the relative insignificance of her own acquirements, and the
value of the qualities she has not got,--qualities which her husband very
likely possesses, only he has not the feminine power of expression.
How often a woman's seeming superiority lies in this gift of words,
which, as George Eliot says, is in her, "often a fatal aptitude for
expressing what she neither believes nor feels." The man often silently
knows, and lives, the noble sentiment, which the woman fluently utters,
imagining herself to be its discoverer and prophet. Another point to
remember in this matter is that women are apt to overvalue intellect,
perhaps because it is only during the last few years that intellectual
advantages have been within their reach. Sydney Smith looked forward
hopefully to a day when French would be a common accomplishment,
and women would be no more vain of possessing it than of having two
arms and legs! Perhaps when, not only French, but still higher
education becomes more generally diffused, we may learn the
proportions, and realize that, though intellect is a good gift, many
others are to be preferred before it. The more we know, the wider our
horizon grows, and the smaller we ourselves seem relatively to the
wider expanse around us. "Man's first word is, No: his second, Yes: and
his third is, No, again." We start with ignorance and are necessarily
humble, in a negative way: then comes the schoolroom, when we prize
highly the knowledge so laboriously acquired; and then comes the
schoolroom of life, which sends us back again to humility, though of a
larger and nobler kind.
(The tendency of the day is to overvalue education, rather than the

reverse, so I need not dwell on the necessity laid upon the modern
Virtuous Woman, of developing her intellect, more than Solomon
required from his ideal.)
"She maketh fine linen and selleth it." She is reliable and punctual, and
clear in business arrangements. How much charitable work of the
present day requires good arithmetic and a clear business head! She
will not miss her train, and she will write a clear legible hand,
especially when names and addresses are concerned. A good
handwriting is a matter of patience and self-discipline, and a truly
unselfish person would force herself to acquire it, because she can
thereby, in small ways, be of so much use and comfort to others.
"She shall rejoice in time to come." She is not likely to do this, unless
she learns to rejoice in the present also. Rejoicing is a habit like most
other virtues, and if we fail in this, it is probably ourselves and not our
circumstances that need to be changed. "The aids to happiness are all
within," and the Virtuous Woman will take life bravely and cheerfully,
like the heroes of old, and will think it a poor thing to pity herself and
to go about with a long face. She
"Welcomes and makes hers Whate'er of good though small the present
brings-- Kind greetings, sunshine, song of birds, and flowers, With a
child's pure delight in little things; And of the griefs unborn will rest
secure, Knowing that mercy ever will endure."
"_She openeth her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of
kindness_." Perhaps few things have done so much harm in the world
as sympathy! Are we not all conscious of having perpetually allowed
the kindness of our tongue to be divorced from wisdom, so that our
affectionate sympathy has weakened our friend and done more harm
than good? It is so much pleasanter to both when we join in her
discontent or irritation, instead of being to her a second and a better self,
aiding her to see things wisely, as