Stories by English Authors: Ireland | Page 3

'Captain
jewel, I wish we had a gridiron.'
"'Why, then,' says he, 'thunder an' turf,' says he, 'what puts a gridiron
into your head?'
"'Bekase I'm starvin' with the hunger,' says I.
"'And, sure, bad luck to you,' says he, 'you couldn't eat a gridiron,' says
he, 'barrin' you were a PELICAN O' THE WILDHERNESS,' says he.
"'Ate a gridiron!' says I. 'Och, in throth, I'm not such a gommoch all out
as that, anyhow. But, sure, if we had a gridiron we could dress a
beefstake,' says I.
"'Arrah! but where's the beefstake?' says he.
"'Sure, couldn't we cut a slice aff the pork?' says I.
"'By gor, I never thought o' that,' says the captain. 'You're a clever
fellow, Paddy,' says he, laughin'.
"'Oh, there's many a true word said in joke,' says I.
"'Thrue for you, Paddy,' says he.

"'Well, then,' says I, 'if you put me ashore there beyant (for we were
nearin' the land all the time), 'and, sure, I can ax them for to lind me the
loan of a gridiron,' says I.
"'Oh, by gor, the butther's comin' out o' the stirabout in airnest now,'
says he; 'you gommoch,' says he, 'sure I told you before that's
France--and, sure, they're all furriners there,' says the captain.
"'Well, says I, 'and how do you know but I'm as good a furriner myself
as any o' thim?'
"'What do you mane?' says he.
"'I mane,' says I, 'what I towld you, that I'm as good a furriner myself as
any o thim.'
"'Make me sinsible,' says he.
"'By dad, maybe that's more nor me, or greater nor me, could do,' says I;
and we all began to laugh at him, for I thought I would pay him off for
his bit o' consait about the Garmant Oceant.
"'Lave off your humbuggin',' says he, 'I bid you, and tell me what it is
you mane at all at all.'
"'Parly voo frongsay?' says I.
"'Oh, your humble sarvant,' says he; 'why, by gor, you're a scholar,
Paddy.'
"'Thruth, you may say that,' says I.
"'Why, you're a clever fellow, Paddy,' says the captain, jeerin' like.
"'You're not the first that said that,' says I, 'whether you joke or no.'
"'Oh, but I'm in airnest,' says the captain; 'and do you tell me, Paddy,'
says he, 'that you spake Frinch?'
"'Parly voo frongsay?' says I.
"'By gor, that bangs Banagher, and all the world knows Banagher bangs
the divil. I never met the likes o' you, Paddy,' says he. 'Pull away, boys,
and put Paddy ashore, and maybe we won't get a good bellyful before
long.'
"So, with that, it wos no sooner said nor done. They pulled away, and
got close into shore in less than no time, and run the boat up in a little
creek; and a beautiful creek it was, with a lovely white sthrand--an
illegant place for ladies to bathe in the summer; and out I got; and it's
stiff enough in the limbs I was, afther bein' cramped up in the boat, and
perished with the cowld and hunger; but I conthrived to scramble on,
one way or t' other, tow'rd a little bit iv a wood that was close to the

shore, and the smoke curlin' out iv it, quite timptin' like.
"'By the powdhers o' war, I'm all right,' says I; 'there's a house there.'
And, sure enough, there was, and a parcel of men, women, and childher,
ating their dinner round a table, quite convanient. And so I wint up to
the door, and I thought I'd be very civil to them, as I heerd the Frinch
was always mighty p'lite intirely, and I thought I'd show them I knew
what good manners was.
"So I took aff my hat, and, making a low bow, says I, 'God save all
here,' says I.
"Well, to be sure, they all stapt ating at wanst, and began to stare at me,
and, faith, they almost looked me out of countenance; and I thought to
myself, it was not good manners at all, more betoken from furriners
which they call so mighty p'lite. But I never minded that, in regard o'
wantin' the gridiron; and so says I, 'I beg your pardon,' says I, 'for the
liberty I take, but it's only bein' in disthress in regard of ating,' says I,
'that I made bowld to throuble yez, and if you could lind me the loan of
a gridiron,' says I, 'I'd be intirely obleeged to ye.'
"By gor, they all stared at me twice worse nor before, and with that,
says I (knowing what was in their minds), 'Indeed, it's thrue for you,'
says I. 'I'm tatthered to pieces, and God knows I look quare enough; but
it's by raison of the