Stepping Heavenward | Page 9

home. Instead of that he said, in a cheerful voice,
"Well, my dear, I cannot see into your heart and positively tell whether
there is love to God there or not. But I suppose you have come here
to-day in order to let me help you to find out?"
I said, "Yes"; that was all I could get out.
"Let me see, then," he went on. "Do you love your mother?"
I said "Yes," once more.
"But prove to me that you do. How do you know it?"
I tried to think. Then I said,
"I feel that I love her. I love to love her, I like to be with her. I like to
hear people praise her. And I try--sometimes at least--to do things to
please her. But I don't try half as hard as I ought, and I do and say a
great many things to displease her."
"Yes, yes," he said, "I know."
"Has mother told you?" I cried out.
"No, dear, no indeed. But I know what human nature is after having
one of my own fifty years, and six of my children's to encounter."
Somehow I felt more courage after he said that.
"In the first place, then, you feel that you love your mother? But you
never feel that you love your God and Saviour?"
"I often try, and try, but I never do," I said.

"Love won't be forced," he said, quickly.
"Then what shall I do?"
"In the second place, you like to be with your mother. But you never
like to be with the Friend who loves you so much better than she does?"
"I don't know, I never was with Him. Sometimes I think that when
Mary sat at His feet and heard Him talk, she must have been very
happy."
"We come to the third test, then. You like to hear people praise your
mother. And have you ever rejoiced to hear the Lord magnified?"
I shook my head sorrowfully enough.
"Let us then try the last test. You know you love your mother because
you try to do things to please her. That is to do what you know she
wishes you to do? Very well. Have you never tried to do anything God
wishes you to do?" "Oh yes; often. But not so often as I ought."
"Of course not. No one does that. But come now, why do you try to do
what you think will please Him? Because it is easy? Because you like
to do what He likes rather than what you like yourself?"
I tried to think, and got puzzled.
"Never mind," said Dr. Cabot, " I have come now to the point I was
aiming at. You cannot prove to yourself that you love God by
examining your feelings towards Him. They are indefinite and they
fluctuate. But just as far as you obey Him, just so far, depend upon it,
you love Him. It is not natural to us sinful, ungrateful human beings to
prefer His pleasure to our own, or to follow His way instead of our own
way, and nothing, nothing but love to Him can or does make us
obedient to Him."
"Couldn't we obey Him from fear ?"Amelia now asked. She had been
listening all this time in silence.
"Yes; and so you might obey your mother from fear, but only for a
season. If you had no real love for her you would gradually cease to
dread her displeasure, whereas it is in the very nature of love to grow
stronger and more influential every hour."
"You mean, then, that if we want to know whether we love God, we
must find out whether we are obeying Him?" Amelia asked.
"I mean exactly that. 'He that keepeth my commandments he it is that
loveth me.' But I cannot talk with you any longer now. There are many
others still waiting. You can come to see me some day next week, if

you have any more questions to ask."
When we got out into the street, Amelia and I got hold of each other's
hands. We did not speak a word till we reached the door, but we knew
that we were as good friends as ever.
"I understand all Dr. Cabot said," Amelia whispered, as we separated.
But I felt like one in a fog. I cannot see how it is possible to love God,
and yet feel as stupid as I do when I think of Him. Still, I am
determined to do one thing, and that is to pray, regularly instead of now
and then, as I have got the habit of doing lately.
July 25.- School has closed for the season. I took the first prize for
drawing, and my composition was read aloud