Stepping Heavenward | Page 7

must feel! Mother cried
when she told me how the dear little fellow suffered in his last
moments. It reminded her of my little brothers who died in the same
way, just before I was born. Dear mother! I wonder I ever forget what
troubles she has had, and am not always sweet and loving. She has
gone now, where she always goes when she feels sad, straight to God.
Of course she did not say so, but I know mother.

April 25.-I have not been down in season once this week. I have
persuaded mother to let me read some of Scott's novels, and have sat up
late and been sleepy in the morning. I wish I could get along with
mother as nicely as James does. He is late far oftener than I am, but he
never gets into such scrapes about it as I do. This is what happens. He
comes down when it suits him.
Mother begins.-"James, I am very much displeased with you."
James.-"I should think you would be, mother."
Mother, mollified.-"I don't think you deserve any breakfast."
James, hypocritically.-"No, I don't think I do, mother."
Then mother hurries off and gets something extra for his breakfast.
Now let us see how things go on when I am late.
Mother.-"Katherine" (she always calls me Katherine when she is
displeased, and spells it with a K), "Katherine, you are late again; how
can you annoy your father so?"
Katherine.-"Of course I don't do it to annoy father or anybody else. But
if I oversleep myself, it is not my fault."
Mother.-"I would go to bed at eight o'clock rather than be late as often
as you. How should you like it if I were not down to prayers ?"
Katherine, muttering.-"Of course that is very different. I don't see why I
should be blamed for oversleeping any more than James. I get all the
scoldings."
Mother sighs and goes off.
I prowl round and get what scraps of breakfast I can.
May 12.-The weather is getting perfectly delicious. I am sitting with
my window open, and my bird is singing with all his heart. I wish I was
as gay as he is.

I have been thinking lately that it was about time to begin on some of
those pieces of self-denial I resolved on upon my birthday. I could not
think of anything great enough for a long time. At last an idea popped
into my head. Half the girls at school envy me because Amelia is so
fond of me, and Jane Underhill, in particular, is just crazy to get
intimate with her. But I have kept Amelia all to myself. To-day I said to
her, Amelia, Jane Underhill admires you above all things. I have a good
mind to let you be as intimate with her as you are with me. It will be a
great piece of self-denial, but I think it is my duty. She is a stranger,
and nobody seems to like her much."
"You dear thing, you!" cried Amelia, kissing me. "I liked Jane
Underhill the moment I saw her. She has such a sweet face and such
pleasant manners. But you are so jealous that I never dared to show
how I liked her. Don't be vexed, dearie; if you are jealous it is your
only fault!"
She then rushed off, and I saw her kiss that girl exactly as she kisses
me!
This was in recess. I went to my desk and made believe I was studying.
Pretty soon Amelia came back.
"She is a sweet girl," she said, "and only to think! She writes poetry!
Just hear this! It is a little poem addressed to me. Isn't it nice of her?"
I pretended not to hear her. I was as full of all sorts of horrid feelings as
I could hold. It enraged me to think that Amelia, after all her
professions of love to me, should snatch at the first chance of getting a
new friend. Then I was mortified because I was enraged, and I could
have torn myself to pieces for being such a fool as to let Amelia see
how silly I was.
"I don't know what to make of you, Katy," she said, putting her arms
round me. "Have I done anything to vex you? Come, let us make up
and be friends, whatever it is. I will read you these sweet verses; I am
sure you will like them."

She read them in her clear, pleasant voice.
"How can you have the vanity to read such stuff?" I cried.
Amelia colored a little.
"You have said and written much more flattering things to me," she
replied. "Perhaps it has turned my head, and made me too ready to
believe what other people say."