Songs of a Savoyard | Page 8

act of a sinner,?When breakfast is taken away,?To turn your attention to dinner;?And it's not in the range of belief?That you could hold him as a glutton,?Who, when he is tired of beef,?Determines to tackle the mutton.?But this I am ready to say,?If it will diminish their sorrow,?I'll marry this lady to-day,?And I'll marry that lady to-morrow!
Ballad: An Appeal
Oh! is there not one maiden breast?Which does not feel the moral beauty?Of making worldly interest?Subordinate to sense of duty??Who would not give up willingly?All matrimonial ambition?To rescue such a one as I?From his unfortunate position?
Oh, is there not one maiden here,?Whose homely face and bad complexion?Have caused all hopes to disappear?Of ever winning man's affection??To such a one, if such there be,?I swear by heaven's arch above you,?If you will cast your eyes on me, -?However plain you be - I'll love you!
Ballad: The Reward Of Merit
DR. BELVILLE was regarded as the CRICHTON of his age:?His tragedies were reckoned much too thoughtful for the stage; His poems held a noble rank, although it's very true?That, being very proper, they were read by very few.?He was a famous Painter, too, and shone upon the "line,"?And even MR. RUSKIN came and worshipped at his shrine;?But, alas, the school he followed was heroically high -?The kind of Art men rave about, but very seldom buy;?And everybody said?"How can he be repaid -?This very great - this very good - this very gifted man?"?But nobody could hit upon a practicable plan!
He was a great Inventor, and discovered, all alone,?A plan for making everybody's fortune but his own;?For, in business, an Inventor's little better than a fool,?And my highly-gifted friend was no exception to the rule.?His poems - people read them in the Quarterly Reviews -?His pictures - they engraved them in the ILLUSTRATED NEWS - His inventions - they, perhaps, might have enriched him by degrees, But all his little income went in Patent Office fees;?And everybody said?"How can he be repaid -?This very great - this very good - this very gifted man?"?But nobody could hit upon a practicable plan!
At last the point was given up in absolute despair,?When a distant cousin died, and he became a millionaire,?With a county seat in Parliament, a moor or two of grouse,?And a taste for making inconvenient speeches in the House!?THEN it flashed upon Britannia that the fittest of rewards?Was, to take him from the Commons and to put him in the Lords! And who so fit to sit in it, deny it if you can,?As this very great - this very good - this very gifted man? (Though I'm more than half afraid?That it sometimes may be said?That we never should have revelled in that source of proper pride, However great his merits - if his cousin hadn't died!)
Ballad: The Magnet And The Churn
A MAGNET hung in a hardware shop,?And all around was a loving crop?Of scissors and needles, nails and knives,?Offering love for all their lives;?But for iron the Magnet felt no whim,?Though he charmed iron, it charmed not him,?From needles and nails and knives he'd turn,?For he'd set his love on a Silver Churn!?His most aesthetic,?Very magnetic?Fancy took this turn -?"If I can wheedle?A knife or needle,?Why not a Silver Churn?"
And Iron and Steel expressed surprise,?The needles opened their well-drilled eyes,?The pen-knives felt "shut up," no doubt,?The scissors declared themselves "cut out,"?The kettles they boiled with rage, 'tis said,?While every nail went off its head,?And hither and thither began to roam,?Till a hammer came up - and drove it home,?While this magnetic?Peripatetic?Lover he lived to learn,?By no endeavour,?Can Magnet ever?Attract a Silver Churn!
Ballad: The Family Fool
Oh! a private buffoon is a light-hearted loon,?If you listen to popular rumour;?From morning to night he's so joyous and bright,?And he bubbles with wit and good humour!?He's so quaint and so terse, both in prose and in verse;?Yet though people forgive his transgression,?There are one or two rules that all Family Fools?Must observe, if they love their profession.?There are one or two rules,?Half-a-dozen, maybe,?That all family fools,?Of whatever degree,?Must observe if they love their profession.
If you wish to succeed as a jester, you'll need?To consider each person's auricular:?What is all right for B would quite scandalise C?(For C is so very particular);?And D may be dull, and E's very thick skull?Is as empty of brains as a ladle;?While F is F sharp, and will cry with a carp,?That he's known your best joke from his cradle!?When your humour they flout,?You can't let yourself go;?And it DOES put you out?When a person says, "Oh!?I have known that old joke from my cradle!"
If your master is surly, from getting up early?(And tempers are short in the morning),?An inopportune joke is enough to provoke?Him to give you, at once, a month's warning.?Then if you refrain, he is at you again,?For he