cannot be at the waist of it,
or anywhere else but the extremities. It is for him to decide which of
the extremities.
On the eventful occasion under consideration, I give Mrs. Pratchett so
distinctly to understand my decision, that I broke her spirit as towards
myself, then and there, and for good. Let not inconsistency be
suspected on account of my mentioning Mrs. Pratchett as "Mrs.," and
having formerly remarked that a waitress must not be married. Readers
are respectfully requested to notice that Mrs. Pratchett was not a
waitress, but a chambermaid. Now a chambermaid MAY be married; if
Head, generally is married,--or says so. It comes to the same thing as
expressing what is customary. (N.B. Mr. Pratchett is in Australia, and
his address there is "the Bush.")
Having took Mrs. Pratchett down as many pegs as was essential to the
future happiness of all parties, I requested her to explain herself.
"For instance," I says, to give her a little encouragement, "who is
Somebody?"
"I give you my sacred honour, Mr. Christopher," answers Pratchett,
"that I haven't the faintest notion."
But for the manner in which she settled her cap-strings, I should have
doubted this; but in respect of positiveness it was hardly to be
discriminated from an affidavit.
"Then you never saw him?" I followed her up with.
"Nor yet," said Mrs. Pratchett, shutting her eyes and making as if she
had just took a pill of unusual circumference,--which gave a remarkable
force to her denial,--"nor yet any servant in this house. All have been
changed, Mr. Christopher, within five year, and Somebody left his
Luggage here before then."
Inquiry of Miss Martin yielded (in the language of the Bard of A.1.)
"confirmation strong." So it had really and truly happened. Miss Martin
is the young lady at the bar as makes out our bills; and though higher
than I could wish considering her station, is perfectly well-behaved.
Farther investigations led to the disclosure that there was a bill against
this Luggage to the amount of two sixteen six. The Luggage had been
lying under the bedstead of 24 B over six year. The bedstead is a
four-poster, with a deal of old hanging and valance, and is, as I once
said, probably connected with more than 24 Bs,-- which I remember
my hearers was pleased to laugh at, at the time.
I don't know why,--when DO we know why?--but this Luggage laid
heavy on my mind. I fell a wondering about Somebody, and what he
had got and been up to. I couldn't satisfy my thoughts why he should
leave so much Luggage against so small a bill. For I had the Luggage
out within a day or two and turned it over, and the following were the
items:- A black portmanteau, a black bag, a desk, a dressing-case, a
brown-paper parcel, a hat-box, and an umbrella strapped to a
walking-stick. It was all very dusty and fluey. I had our porter up to get
under the bed and fetch it out; and though he habitually wallows in
dust,--swims in it from morning to night, and wears a close-fitting
waistcoat with black calimanco sleeves for the purpose,--it made him
sneeze again, and his throat was that hot with it that it was obliged to be
cooled with a drink of Allsopp's draft.
The Luggage so got the better of me, that instead of having it put back
when it was well dusted and washed with a wet cloth,--previous to
which it was so covered with feathers that you might have thought it
was turning into poultry, and would by-and-by begin to Lay,--I say,
instead of having it put back, I had it carried into one of my places
down-stairs. There from time to time I stared at it and stared at it, till it
seemed to grow big and grow little, and come forward at me and retreat
again, and go through all manner of performances resembling
intoxication. When this had lasted weeks,-- I may say months, and not
be far out,--I one day thought of asking Miss Martin for the particulars
of the Two sixteen six total. She was so obliging as to extract it from
the books,--it dating before her time,--and here follows a true copy:
Coffee-Room. 1856. No. 4. Pounds s. d. Feb. 2d, Pen and Paper 0 0 6
Port Negus 0 2 0 Ditto 0 2 0 Pen and paper 0 0 6 Tumbler broken 0 2 6
Brandy 0 2 0 Pen and paper 0 0 6 Anchovy toast 0 2 6 Pen and paper 0
0 6 Bed 0 3 0 Feb. 3d, Pen and paper 0 0 6 Breakfast 0 2 6 Broiled ham
0 2 0 Eggs 0 1 0 Watercresses 0 1 0 Shrimps 0 1
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