Soldiers Three | Page 3

rig'mint. I was
told off for to shif' the scenes, haulin' up this an' draggin' down that.
Light work ut was, wid lashins av beer and the gurl that dhressed the
orf'cers' ladies--but she died in Aggra twelve years gone, an' my
tongue's gettin' the betther av me. They was actin' a play thing called
Sweethearts, which you may ha' heard av, an' the Colonel's daughter
she was a lady's maid. The Capt'n was a boy called Broom--Spread
Broom was his name in the play. Thin I saw --ut come out in the
actin'--fwhat I niver saw before, an' that was that he was no gentleman.
They was too much together, thim two, a-whishperin' behind the scenes
I shifted, an' some av what they said I heard; for I was death--blue
death an' ivy--on the comb-cuttin'. He was iverlastin'ly oppressing her
to fall in wid some sneakin' schame av his, an' she was thryin' to stand
out against him, but not as though she was set in her will. I wonder now
in thim days that my ears did not grow a yard on me head wid list'nin'.
But I looked straight forninst me an' hauled up this an' dragged down
that, such as was my duty, an' the orf'cers' ladies sez one to another,
thinkin' I was out av listen-reach: "Fwhat an obligin' young man is this
Corp'ril Mulvaney!" I was a Corp'ril then. I was rejuced aftherwards,

but, no matther, I was a Corp'ril wanst.
'Well, this Sweethearts' business wint on like most amshure theatricals,
an' barrin' fwhat I suspicioned, 'twasn't till the dhress-rehearsal that I
saw for certain that thim two--he the blackguard, an' she no wiser than
she should ha' been--had put up an evasion.'
'A what?' said I.
'E-vasion! Fwhat you call an elopemint. E-vasion I calls it, bekaze,
exceptin' whin 'tis right an' natural an' proper, 'tis wrong an' dhirty to
steal a man's wan child she not knowin' her own mind. There was a
Sargint in the Comm'ssariat who set my face upon e-vasions. I'll tell
you about that--'
'Stick to the bloomin' Captains, Mulvaney,' said Ortheris; 'Comm'ssariat
Sargints is low.'
Mulvaney accepted the amendment and went on:--
'Now I knew that the Colonel was no fool, any more than me, for I was
hild the smartest man in the rig'mint, an' the Colonel was the best
orf'cer commandin' in Asia; so fwhat he said an' I said was a mortial
truth. We knew that the Capt'n was bad, but, for reasons which I have
already oblitherated, I knew more than me Colonel. I wud ha' rolled out
his face wid the butt av my gun before permittin' av him to steal the
gurl. Saints knew av he wud ha' married her, and av he didn't she wud
be in great tormint, an' the divil av a "scandal." But I niver sthruck,
niver raised me hand on my shuperior orf'cer; an' that was a merricle
now I come to considher it.'
'Mulvaney, the dawn's risin',' said Ortheris, 'an' we're no nearer 'ome
than we was at the beginnin'. Lend me your pouch. Mine's all dust.'
Mulvaney pitched his pouch over, and filled his pipe afresh.
'So the dhress-rehearsal came to an end, an', bekaze I was curious, I
stayed behind whin the scene-shiftin' was ended, an' I shud ha' been in

barricks, lyin' as flat as a toad under a painted cottage thing. They was
talkin' in whispers, an' she was shiverin' an' gaspin' like a fresh-hukked
fish. "Are you sure you've got the hang av the manewvers?" sez he, or
wurrds to that effec', as the coort-martial sez. "Sure as death," sez she,
"but I misdoubt 'tis cruel hard on my father." "Damn your father," sez
he, or anyways 'twas fwhat he thought, "the arrangement is as clear as
mud. Jungi will drive the carr'ge afther all's over, an' you come to the
station, cool an' aisy, in time for the two o'clock thrain, where I'll be
wid your kit." "Faith," thinks I to myself, "thin there's a ayah in the
business tu!"
'A powerful bad thing is a ayah. Don't you niver have any thruck wid
wan. Thin he began sootherin' her, an' all the orf'cers an' orf'cers' ladies
left, an' they put out the lights. To explain the theory av the flight, as
they say at Muskthry, you must understand that afther this Sweethearts'
nonsinse was ended, there was another little bit av a play called
Couples--some kind av couple or another. The gurl was actin' in this,
but not the man. I suspicioned he'd go to the station wid the gurl's kit at
the end av the first piece. 'Twas the kit that flusthered me, for I knew
for a Capt'n to go trapesing about the impire wid the Lord knew