Signora Fantastic | Page 3

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This Etext is for private use only. No republication for profit in print or other media may be made without the express consent of the Copyright Holder. The Copyright Holder is especially concerned about performance rights in any media on stage, cinema, or television, or audio or any other media, including readings for which an entrance fee or the like is charge. Permissions should be addressed to: Frank Morlock, 6006 Greenbelt Rd, #312, Greenbelt, MD 20770, USA or [email protected]. Other works by this author may be found at http://www.cadytech.com/dumas/personnage.asp?key=130

SIGNORA FANTASTICI (A DRAMATIC PROVERB)
BY MADAME DE STAEL (1811)
Translated and adapted by F. J. Morlock

CHARACTERS: Mr. De Kriegschenmahl, former Swiss officer Mrs. De Kriegschenmahl, his wife Licidas Rodolphe Signora Fantastici Zepherina, her daughter A Commissioner who stutters

The action takes place in a town in the German parts of Switzerland.

NOTE: MR. de Kriegschenmahl and Rodolphe are played with a German accent. Madame de Kriegschenmahl has an English accent.

MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: My friend, if you could stop smoking that pipe you would please me greatly, in truth, greatly. It spoils the odor of the tea. The smoke soils my white dress. In truth, it's quite disagreeable.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: What do you want, my wife? Each country has its customs. In England you drink warm water all day. It's tasteless, it's insipid! The pipe is more military; it reminds me of my youth. I've been married to you for twenty-five years, Madame de Kriegschenmahl. Can't you get used to me?
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: For twenty five years your customs have revolted me.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: For twenty-five yeas your prudery has annoyed me.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: That's really polite.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: It's quite complaisant.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: When you were in love with me--
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: When you wanted to marry me--
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: I was greatly trifled with.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: I was indeed less annoyed.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: We are still happy together.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Yes, quite happy.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: But sometimes, I should like--
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: What?
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Something else.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: What do you mean, Madame de Kriegschenmahl?
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Don't be upset, Mr. de Kriegschenmahl; I have a bounty to ask of you. For twenty-five years we've made a party of whist every night. I'd like to try this French game they say is so gay: Reversi. Do you consent to it, my dear husband? I wouldn't permit myself to do it without your approval.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: I give it to you.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Ah, how good you are! We could try it with our two sons.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Yes. That will be a family match. That's always a