Signora Fantastic | Page 4

pleasure. But haven't you noticed that for some time your cherished son, the one you named Licidas, is 24 years old? On account of this English novel you haven't had time to finish. Well! Licidas de Kriegschenmahl is very rarely at home. Where's this leading?
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Licidas is too well brought up for me to suspect his conduct. I'm sure he's busy with the new agricultural course which has just started up. He loves the country, solitude; he's modest and timid. Not the same as your Corporal Rodolphe. Truly, as for me, his mother, he frightens me when he talks.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: He's a man of sense, my younger son is. He doesn't have the complexion of roses and lillies like your Licidas. He isn't made for domestic life like you and your son; but he's reasonable and I'll go so far as to bet that your Licidas will commit more stupidities than Rodolphe.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Stupidities! What do you mean? My son, who's never left my home and who's decided never to leave us, while Rodolphe spends his life, will I dare say it? in the guard room. Yes, I blush when I think of it.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: And where would you have him be?
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Around his mother, sir. Around his mother.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Do you imagine so? But here's Licidas.--What's wrong with him today?
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: His hair is all undone. He staggers as he walks. My God! Could some misfortune have happened to him?
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: This son, so modest, so timid: would he be drunk somewhere?
LICIDAS: (entering, reciting from the role of Hippolytus) Friends, what say you? You who've known my heart since my birth. Can you ask me the sentiments of a heart so proud, so disdainful?
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: What's happened to you my son? How bold your looks are. You make me lower my eyes.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: My son. Have you lost your good senses?
LICIDAS: Mother, Father, pardon. But you don't know how beautiful the part is that I was just rehearsing; you don't know the Signora Fantastici and her charming daughter Zepherina. How I pity you!
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: My son, what are you saying to us? These are names I've never heard mentioned and yet I wandered about the country when I was young.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: My son, I fear the people of whom you are speaking are not of a society suitable to a well brought up young man.
LICIDAS: Mother, they are two charming Italians, mother and daughter. They arrived a few days ago, and I've never been so amused until I became acquainted with them.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: What are you saying, Licidas? Amused! Is their company worth that of your aunt Ehrenschwand to whose home we go every Monday?
LICIDAS: A thousand times better, mother.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Better than the Tuesday soirees at your cousin Cunegonde's?
LICIDAS: Even better.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Is it credible?
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: You will never persuade me that it's more amusing at her place than at this club where we smoke by day sometimes three, sometimes six, sometime nine pipes?
LICIDAS: Yes, father.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: And what's done there?
LICIDAS: They're putting on a play there.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Ah! My God! That's ruinous. A young man of 24 acting in a play.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: It's fine for a woman to act in a play; but a man must make war, always war.
LICIDAS: But father--when we are at peace?
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: That makes no difference.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: I would be very upset if you were making war. That's much too rough for my darling son. But act in a play! Truly, that makes me shudder! Never would my mother or my grand-mother have imagined such a thing.
LICIDAS: If you were to see Signora Fantastici she would please you. She's so animated, so lively! She recites verses, she sings. Her daughter does the same thing. And as for me, I already know the responses; they've taught me to declaim the way they do.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Ah, my God! He's ruined!
LICIDAS: I intend to follow Signora Fantastici. I intend to go to Italy with her.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Ah, Heaven!
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Why what's all this, Mr. Licidas?
LICIDAS: Father, I'm too bored here. Everyone says the same thing here, from the beginning of the year until the end. How are you? they say to Mother. Very well, she replies. The weather's indeed cold today. It's true but last year, about the same time it was much worse. Do you think so, says my old cousin. I am of your opinion, replies my aunt. And the next day it starts all over.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Behold the impertinent!
LICIDAS: Father is always telling us about the same siege. The one at Troy didn't last as long.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Will you stop! If I--
LICIDAS: Signora Fantastici