Seven Men | Page 3

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This etext was prepared by Tom Weiss ([email protected]) from the version of "Seven Men" published in 1919 by William Heinemann (London). I have omitted two of the stories ("James Pethel" and "A.V. Laider") since they are available separately from Project Gutenberg.
I have removed spaces that preceded semicolons, exclamation points, question marks, and closing quotation marks. I have removed spaces that followed opening quotation marks. I have converted paragraph formatting and ellipses to PG standard.
In this plain ASCII version, I have converted emphasis and syllable stress italics to capitals, removed foreign italics, and removed accents.
In "Enoch Soames:" I added a missing closing quotation mark in the following phrase: `Ten past two,' he said.
In "Hilary Maltby and Stephen Braxton:" I changed the opening double quote to a single quote in: `I wondered what old Mr. Abraham Hayward... and `I knew that if I leaned forward...

SEVEN MEN by Max Beerbohm

ENOCH SOAMES

When a book about the literature of the eighteen-nineties was given by Mr. Holbrook Jackson to the world, I looked eagerly in the index for SOAMES, ENOCH. I had feared he would not be there. He was not there. But everybody else was. Many writers whom I had quite forgotten, or remembered but faintly, lived again for me, they and their work, in Mr. Holbrook Jackson's pages. The book was as thorough as it was brilliantly written. And thus the omission found by me was an all the deadlier record of poor Soames' failure to impress himself on his decade.
I daresay I am the only person who noticed the omission. Soames had failed so piteously as all that! Nor is there a counterpoise in the thought that if he had had some measure of success he might have passed, like those others, out of my mind, to return only at the historian's beck. It is true that had his gifts, such as they were, been acknowledged in his life-time, he would never have made the bargain I saw him make--that strange bargain whose results have kept him always in the foreground of my memory. But it is from those very results that the full piteousness of him glares out.
Not my compassion, however, impels me to write of him. For his sake, poor fellow, I should be inclined to keep my pen out of the ink. It is ill to deride the dead. And how can I write about Enoch Soames without making him ridiculous? Or rather, how am I to hush up the horrid fact that he WAS ridiculous? I shall not be able to do that. Yet, sooner or later, write about him I must. You will see, in due course, that I have no option. And I may as well get the thing done now.
In the Summer Term of '93 a bolt from the blue flashed down on Oxford. It drove deep, it hurtlingly embedded itself in the soil. Dons and undergraduates stood around, rather pale, discussing nothing but it. Whence came it, this meteorite? From Paris. Its name? Will Rothenstein. Its aim? To do a series of twenty-four portraits in lithograph. These were to be published from the Bodley Head, London. The matter was urgent. Already the Warden of A, and the Master of B, and the Regius Professor of C, had meekly `sat.' Dignified and doddering old men, who had never consented to sit to any one, could not withstand this dynamic little stranger. He did not sue: he invited; he did not invite: he commanded. He was twenty- one years old. He wore spectacles that flashed more than any other pair ever seen. He was a wit. He was brimful of ideas. He knew Whistler. He knew Edmond de Goncourt. He knew every one in Paris. He knew them all by heart. He was Paris in Oxford. It was whispered that, so soon as he had polished off his selection of dons, he was going to include a few undergraduates. It was a proud day for me when I--I--was included. I liked Rothenstein not less than I feared him; and there arose between us a friendship that has grown ever warmer, and