never
thus called out, let him examine himself, lest he should be falling into
the number of those that say, "I go, sir," and go not; who are content
with thinking beautiful things in an Atlantis, Oceana, Arcadia, or what
it may be, but put not forth one of their fingers to work a salvation in
the earth. Better than such is the man who, using just weights and a true
balance, sells good flour, and never has a thought of his own.
I have been talking--to my reader is it? or to my supposed group of
grandchildren? I remember--to my companions in old age. It is time I
returned to the company who are hearing my whispers at the other side
of the great thundering gallery. I take leave of my old friends with one
word: We have yet a work to do, my friends; but a work we shall never
do aright after ceasing to understand the new generation. We are not the
men, neither shall wisdom die with us. The Lord hath not forsaken his
people because the young ones do not think just as the old ones choose.
The Lord has something fresh to tell them, and is getting them ready to
receive his message. When we are out of sympathy with the young,
then I think our work in this world is over. It might end more
honourably.
Now, readers in general, I have had time to consider what to tell you
about, and how to begin. My story will be rather about my family than
myself now. I was as it were a little withdrawn, even by the time of
which I am about to write. I had settled into a gray-haired, quite elderly,
yet active man--young still, in fact, to what I am now. But even then,
though my faith had grown stronger, life had grown sadder, and needed
all my stronger faith; for the vanishing of beloved faces, and the trials
of them that are dear, will make even those that look for a better
country both for themselves and their friends, sad, though it will be
with a preponderance of the first meaning of the word _sad_, which
was _settled_, thoughtful.
I am again seated in the little octagonal room, which I have made my
study because I like it best. It is rather a shame, for my books cover
over every foot of the old oak panelling. But they make the room all the
pleasanter to the eye, and after I am gone, there is the old oak, none the
worse, for anyone who prefers it to books.
I intend to use as the central portion of my present narrative the history
of a year during part of which I took charge of a friend's parish, while
my brother-in-law, Thomas Weir, who was and is still my curate, took
the entire charge of Marshmallows. What led to this will soon appear. I
will try to be minute enough in my narrative to make my story
interesting, although it will cost me suffering to recall some of the
incidents I have to narrate.
CHAPTER II
.
CONSTANCE'S BIRTHDAY.
Was it from observation of nature in its association with human nature,
or from artistic feeling alone, that Shakspere so often represents
Nature's mood as in harmony with the mood of the principal actors in
his drama? I know I have so often found Nature's mood in harmony
with my own, even when she had nothing to do with forming mine, that
in looking back I have wondered at the fact. There may, however, be
some self-deception about it. At all events, on the morning of my
Constance's eighteenth birthday, a lovely October day with a golden
east, clouds of golden foliage about the ways, and an air that seemed
filled with the ether of an _aurum potabile_, there came yet an
occasional blast of wind, which, without being absolutely cold, smelt of
winter, and made one draw one's shoulders together with the sense of
an unfriendly presence. I do not think Constance felt it at all, however,
as she stood on the steps in her riding-habit, waiting till the horses
made their appearance. It had somehow grown into a custom with us
that each of the children, as his or her birthday came round, should be
king or queen for that day, and, subject to the veto of father and mother,
should have everything his or her own way. Let me say for them,
however, that in the matter of choosing the dinner, which of course was
included in the royal prerogative, I came to see that it was almost
invariably the favourite dishes of others of the family that were chosen,
and not those especially agreeable to the royal palate. Members
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