Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition | Page 7

Marietta Holley

or ruther the old tact in a new way, I told him how sot Thomas J. wuz
on our havin' a furnace and hot water pipes put in.
Josiah thinks his eyes of his only son, and I see it kinder moved him,
but he wouldn't give his consent, and sez:
"What do you want hot water pipes and a furnace for in the summer?"
Sez I pintin' to the snowy fields, "Do you call this summer, Josiah? And
Thomas J. sez it will be so nice to have it all ready in the fall. And I do
wish, Josiah, you would hear to me."
"Well, well, I am hearin' you, hain't I, and been hearin' for a year back,
I hain't deef as an adder!" And he jammed his hat down over his ears
and went to the barn. But there wuz a sort of a waverin' expression to
his linement that made me have hopes.
Well, when I had, with the children's help and an enormous expenditure
of good vittles and eloquence, brought him round to the idee, I found I

had another trial worse than the first to contend with. Instead of hirin' a
first rate workman who knew his bizness, he wuz bound, on account of
cheapness, to hire a conceited creeter who thought he could do
anything better than anyone else could.
He knew how to milk, Jabez Wind did, and how to clean stables, and
plough and hoe corn. But he felt he could do plumbin' better than them
who had handled plumbs for years. And when I see Josiah wuz sot on
hirin' him to do the job I felt dretful, for he wuz no more fit for it than
our brindle cow to do fine sewin', or our old steer to give music lessons
on the banjo. He wuz a creeter I never liked, always tryin' to invent
sunthin' and always failin. But Josiah insisted on havin' him because he
wuz so much cheaper.
And I sez, "You'll sup sorrow yet, Josiah Allen, with your tendency to
save and scrimp. Jabez Wind don't know nothin' about such work; he
hain't got any shop or tools and I don't want him meddlin' round my
house. We want the rooms warmed good and we don't want a big noise
and racket, as I've hearn they make sometimes, I couldn't stand it with
such noise and cracklin' goin' on day and night."
"Oh," sez Josiah, "that's one great beauty of Jabezeses invention, it is
perfectly noiseless, not a murmur or gurgle from one year's end to the
other, and so easy to tend. Jest twice a year, he sez, to put a pail of
water in the upper tank, two pails of water a year to insure summer
warmth, no dirt, no noise, not much like luggin' in wood from mornin'
till night, breakin' your back cuttin' and splittin' it and litterin' up the
house."
The idee of the perfect stillness did tempt me, I so love comfort and
quiet, and also not havin' to sweep up after chips and kindlin' wood.
But yet how did we know these things wuz so? And agin I sez, "How
do you know he can do all this? He hain't got any tools."
Sez Josiah, "He's got idees if he hain't got tools. A man can borry tools,
but he can't dicker for such idees as Jabez has got. See the things he's
undertook."

Sez I, "Anybody can undertake things; his idees hain't made him rich or
famous. That air ship of hisen he wuz goin' to sail to Europe on, rared
up and spilt him in his uncle's back yard. And his automobile, when he
sot off on it and headed it for the road it backed up and took him down
that steep hill back of the barn into the creek, where it kep on ploughin'
up dirt and slate stuns till his uncle stopped it by main force and lifted
Jabez out from under it drippin' like a water rat. And his machine for
perpetual motion, his ma uses it now for clothes bars," sez I. "What has
he ever done to merit your encomiums?"
"Well," sez he, "he's bound to succeed this time. His idees are some
like the hardware man's at Jonesville only Jabez'es are more deep and
not nigh so expensive." I never liked Jabez Wind and shouldn't if I'd
seen him settin' swingin' his legs off the very top of Fame's pillow. He
wuz oncongenial to me, made so from the beginin'. I never knew any
particular hurt of him, but he seemed so much like his own sir name, so
puffed up and onsubstantial. He wuz middlin' well off to start with, or
his ma wuz, but he had used up all
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