Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition | Page 4

he'd long pondered over.
They wuz astounded to think their talk had awakened religious
meditations. But the old gentleman said their conversation had cleared
up that passage where it said:
"Annanias come forth."
He said it wuz now plain to him that it meant that these three drummers
should stand before Annanias, the Prince of Liars, he takin' his place
behind 'em, the fourth in the rank of liars.
But this is neither here or there I only mention it as comin' into my
mind instinctively and onbeknown to myself as I hearn Josiah Allen's
remark, it came and went, as thoughts will, like a lightning flash, even
as I wuz repeatin' the words agin in wonderment and horrow.
"Fifty million dollars!"

"No, I said to you, Samantha, that in our conversation we would leave
out the orts, fifty dollars wuz what I meant. But as I said this is what
I've thought when my brain wuz fired with ambition and glory of histin'
the name of Allen up where it ort to be and will be. But when my blood
has quieted down and I took a dispassionate view of the affair I have
thought it would be more in keepin' with the old traditions of the Allen
family, to spend jest fifteen, I can do a noble job with Uncle Sime's
help and Ury's, with exactly the same sum that wuz paid for these
purchases."
I see he wuz jest bound to ignore the millions. But I knowed it wouldn't
do any good to keep twittin' him of it. And then he went on to describe
more fully the Exposition of Josiah Allen that he'd been plottin' for
weeks and weeks. He said that he and uncle Sime had used up two hull
pads of writin' paper at a cost of five cents each, plannin' and figurin'.
But he didn't begrech the outlay, he said. He wuz layin' out to have the
lower paster used as a tentin' ground for the hull Allen race, and the
Gowdeys if he decided they wuz worthy to jine in, he hadn't settled on
that yet. The cow paster wuz to be used for Equinomical and
Agricultural displays and also Peaceful Industries and Inventions, and
the lane leadin' up to the barn from the lower paster he laid out to use as
a Pike for all sorts of amusements, pitchin' quaits, bull-in-the-barnyard,
turnin' hand-springs and summer sets, etc., etc.
Sez I coldly, "It would draw quite a crowd to see you and Deacon
Gowdey standin' on your two old bald heads turnin' a summer set."
"Oh, I laid out to have younger people in such thrillin' seens, Ury and
others." And then he went on to describe at length his Peaceful Industry
Show.
I couldn't sot still to hear it only I felt I wanted to know the worst and
cope with it as a surgeon probes to the quick in order to cure.
He thought he could git Aunt Huldy Wood, who wove carpets, to set up
her loom for a few days under the big but-nut tree, and be weavin' there
before the crowds. He said she wuz a peaceful old critter and would
show off well in it. And Bildad Shoecraft, another good-natured creeter,

he could bring his shoe-making bench and be tappin' boots. He could
not only show off but make money at the same time, for he spozed that
many a boot would be wore down to the quick walkin' round viewin'
the attractions. And Blandina Teeter he spozed she could run my sewin'
machine under the sugar maple. And he thought mebby I would set out
under the slippery ellum makin' ginger cookies or fryin' nut-cakes, in
either capacity he said I wuz a study for an artist and would draw
crowds.
"The wife of Josiah Allen fryin' nut-cakes, what a sound it would have
through the world."
"No, Josiah," sez I, "I shan't try to fry nut-cakes in a open lot without
ingregients or fire."
"Well, mebby you'd ruther be one of the attractions of the Pike,
Samantha. I hain't goin' to limit you to one thing. As the pardner of the
originator of this stupengous scheme you are entitled to respect. There
is where Napoleon, the other great actor in these twin dramas, missed it,
he didn't use his wife as he ort to. But jest see the wonderful similarity
in these cases. He had two step-children; the wife of Josiah had two; I
am smaller in statute than my wife; so wuz Napoleon."
"You spoke of your Peaceful Inventions, Josiah," sez I, wantin' to git
his mind off, for truly I begun to fairly feel sick to the stomach to hear
his talk about himself and the Great Conqueror.
"Oh, yes, Samantha, that in itself