Samantha at Saratoga | Page 8

made up to go to
Saratoga Josiah Allen wuz set on havin' sunthin new and uneek in the
way of dress and whiskers. I looked coldly on the idee of puttin' a gay
stripe down the legs of the new pantaloons I made for him, and broke it
up, also a figured vest. I went through them two crisises and came out
triumphent.
Then he went and bought a new bright pink necktie with broad long
ends which he intended to have float out, down the front of his vest.
And I immegatly took it for the light-colored blocks in my silk
log-cabin bedquilt. Yes, I settled the matter of that pink neck-gear with
a high hand and a pair of shears. And Josiah sez now that he bought it
for that purpose, for the bedquilt, because he loves to see a dressy quilt,
-- sez he always enjoys seein' a cabin look sort o' gay. But good land!
he didn't. He intended and calculated to wear that neck-tie into Saratoga,
-- a sight for men and angels, if I hadn't broke it up.
But in the matter of whiskers, there I was powerless. He trimmed 'em
(unbeknow to me) all off the side of his face, them good honerable side
whiskers of hisen, that had stood by him for years in solemnity and
decency, and begun to cultivate a little patch on the end of his chin. I
argued with him, and talked well on the subject, eloquent, but it wuz of
no use, I might as well have argued with the wind in March.
He said, he wuz bound on goin' into Saratoga with a fashionable
whisker, come what would.
And then I sithed, and he sez, -- " You have broke up my pantaloons,
my vest, and my neck-tie, you have ground me down onto plain

broadcloth, but in the matter of whiskers I am firm! Yes!" sez he "on
these whiskers I take my stand!"
And agin I sithed heavy, and I sez in a dretful impressive way, as I
looked on 'em, "Josiah Allen, remember you are a father and a
grandfather!"
And he sez firmly, "If I wuz a great-grandfather I would trim my
whiskers in jest this way, that is if I wuz a goin' to set up to be
fashionable and a goin' to Saratoga for my health."
And I groaned kinder low to myself, and kep' hopin' that mebby they
wouldn't grow very fast, or that some axident would happen to 'em, that
they would get afire or sunthin'. But they didn't. And they grew from
day to day luxurient in length, but thin. And his watchful care kep' 'em
from axident, and I wuz too high princepled to set fire to 'em when he
wuz asleep, though sometimes, on a moonlight night, I was tempted to,
sorely tempted.
But I didn't, and they grew from day to day, till they wuz the curiusest
lookin' patch o' whiskers that I ever see. And when we sot out for
Saratoga, they wuz jest about as long as a shavin' brush, and looked
some like one. There wuz no look of a class-leader, and a perfesser
about 'em, and I told him so. But he worshiped 'em, and gloried in the
idee of goin' afar to show 'em off.
But the neighbors received the news that we wuz goin' to a waterin'
place coldly, or with ill-concealed envy.
Uncle Jonas Bently told us he shouldn't think we would want to go
round to waterin' troughs at our age.
And I told him it wuzn't a waterin' trough, and if it wuz, I thought our
age wuz jest as good a one as any, to go to it.
He had the impression that Saratoga wuz a immense waterin' trough
where the country all drove themselves summers to be watered. He is
deef as a Hemlock post, and I yelled up at him jest as loud as I dast for
fear of breakin' open my own chest, that the water got into us, instid of
our gettin' into the water, but I didn't make him understand, for I hearn
afterwards of his sayin' that, as nigh as he could make out we all got
into the waterin' trough and wuz watered.
The school teacher, a young man, with long, small lims, and some
pimpley on the face, but well meanin', he sez to me: "Saratoga is a
beautiful spah."

And I sez warmly, "It aint no such thing, it is a village, for I have seen a
peddler who went right through it, and watered his horses there, and he
sez it is a waterin' place, and a village."
"Yes," sez he, "it is a beautiful village, a modest retiren city, and at the
same time it