Ruggles of Red Gap | Page 8

and sang in the dance, ever
unheeding my plight!
CHAPTER TWO
In that first sleep how often do we dream that our calamity has been
only a dream. It was so in my first moments of awakening. Vestiges of
some grotesquely hideous nightmare remained with me. Wearing the
shackles of the slave, I had been mowing the corn under the fierce sun
that beats down upon the American savannahs. Sickeningly, then, a
wind of memory blew upon me and I was alive to my situation.
Nor was I forgetful of the plight in which the Honourable George

would now find himself. He is as good as lost when not properly
looked after. In the ordinary affairs of life he is a simple, trusting,
incompetent duffer, if ever there was one. Even in so rudimentary a
matter as collar-studs he is like a storm-tossed mariner--I mean to say,
like a chap in a boat on the ocean who doesn't know what sails to pull
up nor how to steer the silly rudder.
One rather feels exactly that about him.
And now he was bound to go seedy beyond description--like the time at
Mentone when he dreamed a system for playing the little horses, after
which for a fortnight I was obliged to nurse a well-connected invalid in
order that we might last over till next remittance day. The havoc he
managed to wreak among his belongings in that time would scarce be
believed should I set it down--not even a single boot properly
treed--and his appearance when I was enabled to recover him (my
client having behaved most handsomely on the eve of his departure for
Spain) being such that I passed him in the hotel lounge without even a
nod--climbing-boots, with trousers from his one suit of boating flannels,
a blazered golfing waistcoat, his best morning-coat with the wide braid,
a hunting-stock and a motoring-cap, with his beard more than
discursive, as one might say, than I had ever seen it. If I disclose this
thing it is only that my fears for him may be comprehended when I
pictured him being permanently out of hand.
Meditating thus bitterly, I had but finished dressing when I was startled
by a knock on my door and by the entrance, to my summons, of the
elder and more subdued Floud, he of the drooping mustaches and the
mournful eyes of pale blue. One glance at his attire brought freshly to
my mind the atrocious difficulties of my new situation. I may be
credited or not, but combined with tan boots and wretchedly fitting
trousers of a purple hue he wore a black frock-coat, revealing far, far
too much of a blue satin "made" cravat on which was painted a cluster
of tiny white flowers--lilies of the valley, I should say. Unbelievably
above this monstrous mélange was a rather low-crowned bowler hat.
Hardly repressing a shudder, I bowed, whereupon he advanced
solemnly to me and put out his hand. To cover the embarrassing

situation tactfully I extended my own, and we actually shook hands,
although the clasp was limply quite formal.
"How do you do, Mr. Ruggles?" he began.
I bowed again, but speech failed me.
"She sent me over to get you," he went on. He uttered the word "She"
with such profound awe that I knew he could mean none other than Mrs.
Effie. It was most extraordinary, but I dare say only what was to have
been expected from persons of this sort. In any good-class club or
among gentlemen at large it is customary to allow one at least
twenty-four hours for the payment of one's gambling debts. Yet there I
was being collected by the winner at so early an hour as half-after
seven. If I had been a five-pound note instead of myself, I fancy it
would have been quite the same. These Americans would most
indecently have sent for their winnings before the Honourable George
had awakened. One would have thought they had expected him to
refuse payment of me after losing me the night before. How little they
seemed to realize that we were both intending to be dead sportsmen.
"Very good, sir," I said, "but I trust I may be allowed to brew the
Honourable George his tea before leaving? I'd hardly like to trust to
him alone with it, sir."
"Yes, sir," he said, so respectfully that it gave me an odd feeling. "Take
your time, Mr. Ruggles. I don't know as I am in any hurry on my own
account. It's only account of Her."
I trust it will be remembered that in reporting this person's speeches I
am making an earnest effort to set them down word for word in all their
terrific peculiarities. I mean to say, I would not be held