Routledges Manual of Etiquette | Page 9

An evening party begins about nine o'clock p.m., and ends about midnight, or somewhat
later. Good breeding neither demands that you should present yourself at the
commencement, nor remain till the close of the evening. You come and go as may be
most convenient to you, and by these means are at liberty, during the height of the season
when evening parties are numerous, to present yourself at two or three houses during a
single evening.
When your name is announced, look for the lady of the house, and pay your respects to
her before you even seem to see any other of your friends who may be in the room. At
very large and fashionable receptions, the hostess is generally to be found near the door.
Should you, however, find yourself separated by a dense crowd of guests, you are at
liberty to recognize those who are near you, and those whom you encounter as you make
your way slowly through the throng.
General salutations of the company are now wholly disused. In society a lady only
recognizes her own friends and acquaintances.
If you are at the house of a new acquaintance and find yourself among entire strangers,
remember that by so meeting under one roof you are all in a certain sense made known to
one another, and should, therefore, converse freely, as equals. To shrink away to a

side-table and affect to be absorbed in some album or illustrated work; or, if you find one
unlucky acquaintance in the room, to fasten upon her like a drowning man clinging to a
spar, are gaucheries which no shyness can excuse.
If you possess any musical accomplishments, do not wait to be pressed and entreated by
your hostess, but comply immediately when she pays you the compliment of inviting you
to play or sing. Remember, however, that only the lady of the house has the right to ask
you. If others do so, you can put them off in some polite way; but must not comply till
the hostess herself invites you.
Be scrupulous to observe silence when any of the company are playing or singing.
Remember that they are doing this for the amusement of the rest; and that to talk at such a
time is as ill-bred as if you were to turn your back upon a person who was talking to you,
and begin a conversation with some one else.
If you are yourself the performer, bear in mind that in music, as in speech, "brevity is the
soul of wit." Two verses of a song, or four pages of a piece, are at all times enough to
give pleasure. If your audience desire more they will ask for more; and it is infinitely
more flattering to be encored than to receive the thanks of your hearers, not so much in
gratitude for what you have given them, but in relief that you have left off. You should
try to suit your music, like your conversation, to your company. A solo of Beethoven's
would be as much out of place in some circles as a comic song at a quakers' meeting. To
those who only care for the light popularities of the season, give Balfe and Verdi, Glover
and Julien. To connoisseurs, if you perform well enough to venture, give such music as
will be likely to meet the exigencies of a fine taste. Above all, attempt nothing that you
cannot execute with ease and precision.
If the party be of a small and social kind, and those games called by the French les jeux
innocents are proposed, do not object to join in them when invited. It maybe that they
demand some slight exercise of wit and readiness, and that you do not feel yourself
calculated to shine in them; but it is better to seem dull than disagreeable, and those who
are obliging can always find some clever neighbour to assist them in the moment of need.
Impromptu charades are frequently organized at friendly parties. Unless you have really
some talent for acting and some readiness of speech, you should remember that you only
put others out and expose your own inability by taking part in these entertainments. Of
course, if your help is really needed, and you would disoblige by refusing, you must do
your best, and by doing it as quietly and coolly as possible, avoid being awkward or
ridiculous.
Even though you may take no pleasure in cards, some knowledge of the etiquette and
rules belonging to the games most in vogue is necessary to you in society. If a fourth
hand is wanted at a rubber, or if the rest of the company sit down to a round game, you
would be deemed guilty of an impoliteness if you refused