Rolling Stones | Page 4

O. Henry
fight And
growl gutwise--its pangs thou dost abate And all so amiably alleviate,
Joy pats his belly as a hobo might Who haply hath obtained a cherry
pie With no burnt crust at all, nor any seeds; Nothin' but crisp crust, and
the thickness fit. And squashin'-juicy, an' jes' mighty nigh Too dratted,
drippin'-sweet for human needs, But fer the sosh of milk that goes with
it.
Written in the character of "Sherrard Plummer" by James Whitcomb
Riley
By permission of James Whitcomb Riley and his publishers, The
Bobbs-Merrill Company

CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION THE DREAM RULER OF MEN THE ATAVISM
OF JOHN TOM LITTLE BEAR HELPING THE OTHER FELLOW
THE MARIONETTES THE MARQUIS AND MISS SALLY A FOG
IN SANTONE THE FRIENDLY CALL A DINNER AT -------*
SOUND AND FURY TICTOCQ TRACKED TO DOOM A
SNAPSHOT AT THE PRESIDENT AN UNFINISHED CHRISTMAS
STORY THE UNPROFITABLE SERVANT ARISTOCRACY
VERSUS HASH THE PRISONER OF ZEMBLA A STRANGE
STORY FICKLE FORTUNE, or HOW GLADYS HUSTLED

Contents PAGE
AN APOLOGY 212
LORD OAKHURST'S CURSE 213
BEXAR SCRIP No. 2692 217
QUERIES AND ANSWERS 231
THE PEWEE 234
NOTHING TO SAY 236
THE MURDERER 237
SOME POSTSCRIPTS 240
A CONTRIBUTION 240
THE OLD FARM 241
VANITY 241
THE LULLABY BOY 242
CHANSON DE BOHEME 242
HARD TO FORGET 243
DROP A TEAR IN THIS SLOT 245
TAMALES 246
SOME LETTERS 251

INTRODUCTION

This the twelfth and final volume of O. Henry's work gets its title from
an early newspaper venture of which he was the head and front. On
April 28, 1894, there appeared in Austin, Texas, volume 1, number 3,
of The Rolling Stone, with a circulation greatly in excess of that of the
only two numbers that had gone before. Apparently the business office
was encouraged. The first two issues of one thousand copies each had
been bought up. Of the third an edition of six thousand was published
and distributed FREE, so that the business men of Austin, Texas, might
know what a good medium was at hand for their advertising. The editor
and proprietor and illustrator of The Rolling Stone was Will Porter,
incidentally Paying and Receiving Teller in Major Brackenridge's bank.
Perhaps the most characteristic feature of the paper was "The
Plunkville Patriot," a page each week--or at least with the regularity of
the somewhat uncertain paper itself--purporting to be reprinted from a
contemporary journal. The editor of the Plunkville Patriot was Colonel
Aristotle Jordan, unrelenting enemy of his enemies. When the Colonel's
application for the postmastership in Plunkville is ignored, his columns
carry a bitter attack on the administration at Washington. With the
public weal at heart, the Patriot announces that "there is a dangerous
hole in the front steps of the Elite saloon." Here, too, appears the
delightful literary item that Mark Twain and Charles Egbert Craddock
are spending the summer together in their Adirondacks camp. "Free,"
runs its advertising column, "a clergyman who cured himself of fits will
send one book containing 100 popular songs, one repeating rifle, two
decks easywinner cards and 1 liver pad free of charge for $8. Address
Sucker & Chump, Augusta, Me." The office moves nearly every week,
probably in accordance with the time-honored principle involving the
comparative ease of moving and paying rent. When the Colonel
publishes his own candidacy for mayor, he further declares that the
Patriot will accept no announcements for municipal offices until after
"our" (the editor's) canvass. Adams & Co., grocers, order their $2.25 ad.
discontinued and find later in the Patriot this estimate of their product:
"No less than three children have been poisoned by eating their canned
vegetables, and J. O. Adams, the senior member of the firm, was run
out of Kansas City for adulterating codfish balls. It pays to advertise."
Here is the editorial in which the editor first announces his campaign:

"Our worthy mayor, Colonel Henry Stutty, died this morning after an
illness of about five minutes, brought on by carrying a bouquet to Mrs.
Eli Watts just as Eli got in from a fishing trip. Ten minutes later we had
dodgers out announcing our candidacy for the office. We have lived in
Plunkville going on five years and have never been elected anything yet.
We understand the mayor business thoroughly and if elected some
people will wish wolves had stolen them from their cradles . . . ."
The page from the Patriot is presented with an array of perfectly
confused type, of artistic errors in setting up, and when an occasional
line gets shifted (intentionally, of course) the effect is alarming.
Anybody who knows the advertising of a small country weekly can, as
he reads, pick out, in the following, the advertisement from the
"personal."
Miss Hattie Green of Paris, Ill., is Steel-riveted seam or water power
automatic oiling thoroughly tested visiting
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