Rhymes of the East and Re-collected Verses | Page 6

it out, and tho' you sit on?Tenterhooks, remain a Briton;?You can only do your best;?Boxing Day's a day of rest!?Throw aside your small digestive?Eccentricities. Be festive!
Christmas Day is on the wing.?Are you feeling wroth with?Any one for anything??Beg his pardon _forth_with!?Though the right is all on _your_ side,?Say it isn't; say 'Of course I'd?No intention--very rude--?Shocking taste--but misconstrued'--?Then (while I admit it's horrifying)?tell the man you're sorry!
Christmas Day will soon have flown.?If, despite persuasion,?You resolve to be alone?On the glad occasion,?Better (do as I have done!)?Vanish with a scatter-gun;?If you have to see it through,?(Better do what I shall do!)?Dining quietly at the Club'll?Save us from a world of trouble!
'KAL!'
(=TO-MORROW)
['Never do To-day what can be postponed till To-morrow, save at the dictates of your personal convenience.'--_Maxims of the Wicked_, No. 3.]
Sweet Word, by whose unwearying assistance?We of the Ruling Race, when sorely tried,?Can keep intrusive persons at a distance,?And let unseasonable matters slide;?Thou at whose blast the powers of irritation?Yield to a soft and gentlemanly lull?Of solid peace and flat Procrastination,?These to thy praise and honour, good old Kal!
For we are greatly plagued by sacrilegious?Monsters in human form, who care for naught?Save with incessant papers to besiege us,?E'en to the solemn hour of silent thought;?They draw no line; the frightful joy of giving?Pain is their guerdon; but for Thee alone,?Life would be hardly worth the bore of living,?No one could call his very soul his own.
But in thy Name th' importunate besetter?Meets a repelling force that none can stem;?Varlets may come (they do) and go (they'd better!),?Kal is the word that always does for them!?_To-morrow_ they may join the usual muster;?To-day shall pass inviolably by;?BEELZEBUB Himself, for all his bluster,?Would get the same old sickening reply.
And, for thine aid in baffling the malignant,?Who, with unholy art, conspire to see?Our ease dis-eased, our dignity indignant,?We do Thee homage on the bended knee.?And I would add a word of common gratitude?To those thy coadjutors, _ao_ and _lao_,[3]?Who take, with Thee, th' uncompromising attitude?From which the dullest mind deduces _jao_.
[Footnote 3: _Kal-ao_='return to-morrow'; _kal-lao_='bring it back to-morrow.' Each of these phrases is the euphemistic equivalent of _jao_, that is, 'go away, (and stay there).']
TO AN ELEPHANT
ON HIS TONIC QUALITIES
Solace of mine hours of anguish,?Peace-imparting View, when I,?Sick of Hindo-Sturm-und-Drang, wish?I could lay me down and die,
Very present help in trouble,?Never-failing anodyne?For the blows that knock us double,?Here's towards thee, Hathi mine!
As, 'tis said, the dolorous Jack Tar?Turns to view the watery Vast,?When he mourns his frail charàc-tar,?Or deplores his jagged Past,
Climbs a cliff, and breathes his sighs on?That appalling breast until,?Borne from off the far horizon,?Voices whisper, 'Cheer up, Bill!'
So when evil chance or dark aspersions?crush the bosom's lord,?When discomfort rends the car-cass,?When we're sorry, sick, or bored,
When the year is at its hottest,?And our life with sorrow crowned,?Gazing thee-wards, where thou blottest?Out the landscape, pulls us round,
Gives us peace, some nameless modicum?of cheer to mind and eye:?Something that can soothe a body?Like a blessed lullaby.
Sweet it is to watch thee, Hathi,?Through the stertorous afternoons,?Wond'ring why so stout a party?Wears such baggy pantaloons:
Sweet, again, to steal a-nigh and?Watch thee, ere thy meals begin,?Deftly weigh th' unleavened viand,?Lest thou be deceived therein:
Sweet to mark thee gravely dining:?Grand, when day has nearly gone,?'Tis to view yon Orb declining?Down behind thee, broadside on:
Ay! and when thy vassals tub thee,?And thou writhest 'neath the brick?Wherewithal they take and scrub thee,?'Twere a sight to heal the sick!
Not a pose but serves to ward off?Pangs that had of yore prevailed;?E'en the stab of being scored off?Owns the charm, old Double-Tailed!
But, O Thou that giv'st the flabby?Strength, and stingo'st up the weak:-?Restful as a grand old Abbey--?Bracing as a Mountain Peak:--
All the bonds of Age were slackened,?And my years were out of sight,?When I burst upon thy back end?As thou kneeled'st yesternight!
Head and frame were hidden. Only?Loomed a black, colossal Seat,?Taut, magnificent, and lonely,?O'er a pair of suppliant feet
To th' astounded mind conveying?Dreams from which my manhood shrank,?Of a very fat man praying,?Whom a boy would love to spank.
And I felt my fingers twitching,?And my sinews turned to wire,?And my palm was itching, itching,?With the old, unhallowed fire.
While the twofold voice within me?Urged their long-forgotten feud,?One to do thee shame would win me,--?One that whispered, 'Don't be rude!'
Till, by heaven! thy pleading beauty?Drove those carnal thoughts away,?And the friend that came to scrutinise?was left behind to pray:--
For I shamed thee not, nor spanked thee;?But to rearward, on the plain,?Hathi, on my knees I thanked thee?That I felt a boy again!
VISIONARY
ON THE ADVANTAGES OF AN 'ASTRAL BODY'
It is told, in Buddhi-theosophic Schools
There are rules?By observing which when mundane matter irks,
Or the world has gone amiss, you?Can incontinently issue?From the circumscribing tissue
Of your Works.
That the body and the gentleman inside
Can divide,?And the latter, if acquainted with the plan,
Can alleviate the tension?By remaining