with the latest news, does then impart,?Whose source, when known, shall chill you to the core,?And freeze the genial cockles of the heart.
For once, to dumb Neglectfulness a prey,?Resentment led me undetected near,?To know the reason of this cool delay,?And teach my trusty pluralist to hear.
There to my vassals' ruminating throng?Some total stranger, seated on a pail,?Perused, translating as he went along,?My private letters by the current mail.
One moment, horror baulked my strong intent;?Next o'er the compound wall we saw him go,?While uncouth moan, with hapless gesture blent,?Deplored the pressing tribute of the toe.
THE MORAL
To you, fresh youths, with round unblushing cheeks,?Some moral tag this closing verse applies;?E'en from the old the voice of Wisdom speaks--?Even the youngest are not always wise!
No further seek to probe the Best Unknown,?From Exploration's curious arts refrain;?Lest Melancholy mark you for her own,?And you should learn--nor ever smile again.
TO HIS PECULIAR FRIEND WITHIN-DOORS
_After R. H._
A strong discomfort in the dress?Dwindling the clothes to nothingness?Saving, for due decorum placed,?A huckaback about the waist,?Or wanton towel-et, whose touch?Haply may spare to chafe o'ermuch:?A languid frame, from head to feet?Prankt in the arduous prickle-heat:?An erring fly, that here and there?Enwraths the crimsoned suffer��r:?An upward toe, whose skill enjoys?The slipper's curious equipoise:?A punkah wantoning, whereby?Papers do flow confoundedly:?By such comportment, and th' offence?Of thy fantastic eloquence,?Dost thou, my WILLIAM, make it known?That thou art warm, and best alone.
VALEDICTION
TO THE SS. 'ARABIA,' WHEN RETURNING WITH HER PASSENGERS FROM THE DELHI DURBAR
Now the busy screw is churning,?Now the horrid sirens blow;?Now are India's guests returning?Home from India's Greatest Show;?Now the gleeful Asiatic?Speeds them on their wild career,?And, though normally phlegmatic,?Gives a half-unconscious cheer.
India's years were years of leanness,?Till the Late Performance drew?These, whose confidential greenness?She has run for all she knew.?Gladly rose the land to bid them?Welcome for a fleeting spell--?Nobly took them in and did them--?And has done extremely well.
Peace be theirs, important Packet,?Genial skies and happy calms--?No derogatory racket,?No humiliating qualms!?Gales, I charge you, shun to rouse and?Lash the seas to angry foam,?While Britannia's Great Ten Thousand?Sweep, with huge enjoyment, home!
Let the spiced and salty zephyr?Build them up in frame and mind,?Till they feel as fresh and effervescent?as their hearts are kind,?And in triumph close their Indian?Tour on far Massilia's quay,?Never having known too windy an?Offing, too disturbed a sea.
So, when English snows are falling,?When the fogs are growing dense,?They shall hear the East a-calling,?And shall come, and blow expense.?Every year shall bring his Argo;?Every year a grateful East?Shall receive her golden Cargo,?And restore the Gilded--Fleeced!
A SOLDIER OF WEIGHT
In the dim and distant ages, in the half-forgotten days, Ere the East became the fashion and an Indian tour the craze, Lived a certain Major-General, renowned throughout the State As a soldier of distinction and considerable weight.
But though weightiness of mind is an invaluable trait,?When applied to adiposity it's all the other way;?And our hero was confronted with an ever-growing lack?Of the necessary charger and the hygienic hack.
He had bought them by the dozen, he had tried them by the score, But not one of them was equal to the burden that he bore; They were conscious of the honour, they were sound in wind and limb, They could carry a cathedral, but they drew the line at _him_.
But he stuck to it, till finally his pressing needs were filled By the mammoth of his species, a Leviathan in build,?A superb upstanding brown, of unexceptionable bone,?And phenomenally qualified to carry twenty stone.
And the General was happy; for the noble creature showed An unruffled acquiescence with the nature of his load;?Till without the slightest warning, that superb upstanding brown Thought it time to make a protest, which he did by lying down.
They appealed to him, reproached him, gave him sugar, cut his feed, But in vain; for almost daily that inexorable steed,?When he heard his master coming, looked insultingly around, And with cool deliberation laid him down upon the ground.
But they fought it out between them, till the undefeated brute Made a humorous obeisance at the General Salute!?Then his owner kicked him wildly in the stomach for his pranks, Said he'd stand the beast no longer, and returned him to the ranks.
(_An interval of about three years._)
Time has dulled our hero's anguish; time has raised our man of weight To an even higher office in the service of the State;?And we find him at his yearly tour, inspecting at his ease A distinguished corps of cavalry, the Someone's Own D. G.'s.
And our fat but famous man of war, accoutred to the nines, Was engaged in making rude remarks, and going round the lines, When he suddenly beheld across an intervening space?A Leviathan of horseflesh, the Behemoth of his race.
'Colonel Robinson,' he shouted, with enthusiastic force, 'A remarkably fine horse, sir!' The remarkably fine horse Gave a reminiscent shudder, looked insultingly
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