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the horrid state into which the wretched Melulla had thrown
me. I was thunderstruck! And when I came to think of the misery
which I might have caused if, during the last three days, I had obtained
some new favour from my lovely mistress, I was on the point of going
mad. What would have been her feelings if I had made her unhappy for
the remainder of her life! Would anyone, then, knowing the whole case,
have condemned me if I had destroyed my own life in order to deliver
myself from everlasting remorse? No, for the man who kills himself
from sheer despair, thus performing upon himself the execution of the
sentence he would have deserved at the hands of justice cannot be
blamed either by a virtuous philosopher or by a tolerant Christian. But
of one thing I am quite certain: if such a misfortune had happened, I
should have committed suicide.
Overwhelmed with grief by the discovery I had just made, but thinking
that I should get rid of the inconvenience as I had done three times
before, I prepared myself for a strict diet, which would restore my
health in six weeks without anyone having any suspicion of my illness,
but I soon found out that I had not seen the end of my troubles; Melulla
had communicated to my system all the poisons which corrupt the
source of life. I was acquainted with an elderly doctor of great
experience in those matters; I consulted him, and he promised to set me
to rights in two months; he proved as good as his word. At the

beginning of September I found myself in good health, and it was about
that time that I returned to Venice.
The first thing I resolved on, as soon as I discovered the state I was in,
was to confess everything to Madame F----. I did not wish to wait for
the time when a compulsory confession would have made her blush for
her weakness, and given her cause to think of the fearful consequences
which might have been the result of her passion for me. Her affection
was too dear to me to run the risk of losing it through a want of
confidence in her. Knowing her heart, her candour, and the generosity
which had prompted her to say that I was more to be pitied than blamed,
I thought myself bound to prove by my sincerity that I deserved her
esteem.
I told her candidly my position and the state I had been thrown in,
when I thought of the dreadful consequences it might have had for her.
I saw her shudder and tremble, and she turned pale with fear when I
added that I would have avenged her by killing myself.
"Villainous, infamous Melulla!" she exclaimed.
And I repeated those words, but turning them against myself when I
realized all I had sacrificed through the most disgusting weakness.
Everyone in Corfu knew of my visit to the wretched Melulla, and
everyone seemed surprised to see the appearance of health on my
countenance; for many were the victims that she had treated like me.
My illness was not my only sorrow; I had others which, although of a
different nature, were not less serious. It was written in the book of fate
that I should return to Venice a simple ensign as when I left: the
general did not keep his word, and the bastard son of a nobleman was
promoted to the lieutenancy instead of myself. From that moment the
military profession, the one most subject to arbitrary despotism,
inspired me with disgust, and I determined to give it up. But I had
another still more important motive for sorrow in the fickleness of
fortune which had completely turned against me. I remarked that, from
the time of my degradation with Melulla, every kind of misfortune

befell me. The greatest of all--that which I felt most, but which I had
the good sense to try and consider a favour-- was that a week before the
departure of the army M. D---- R----- took me again for his adjutant,
and M. F---- had to engage another in my place. On the occasion of that
change Madame F told me, with an appearance of regret, that in Venice
we could not, for many reasons, continue our intimacy. I begged her to
spare me the reasons, as I foresaw that they would only throw
humiliation upon me. I began to discover that the goddess I had
worshipped was, after all, a poor human being like all other women,
and to think that I should have been very foolish to give up my life for
her. I probed in one day the real worth of her heart, for she told me, I