Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 04, April 23, 1870 | Page 6

send over to PUNCHINELLO, the following:
GREAT BRITAIN.
The Times has an article this morning upon the quality of Virginia tobacco. It speaks with great respect of the authority of Ex-Governor HENRY A. WISE upon that subject.
Mr. GLADSTONE was affected last night with a severe pain in his stomach. On going to his place in the House, he was overheard to say, "It must have been that cabbage." This morning he is better.
10 A.M. Mr. GLADSTONE did not say, "It was that cabbage;" but, "It was those beans."
12 A.M. Right Hon. Mr. GLADSTONE is not any better. It is now doubtful whether it was the beans or the cabbage.
2 P.M. The Right Hon. W.E. GLADSTONE is a little better, but ate only a light dinner. Mr. BRIGHT thinks it was the beans.
Now, my dear PUNCHINELLO, by this time I began to think it must be the beans, and so I sent word to my despi-telegraphic correspondent that that would do. And so it will, also, from your correspondent,
--PRIME.
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Women's Rights, Again.
Denver is said to be all agog about a performer named ANNIE CORELLA, who plays solos on the cornet. This is the latest manifestation of the Women's Rights movement, brass instruments having hitherto been played exclusively by masculine lips and lungs. "Blowing" through brass is very characteristic of the advocates of Women's Emancipation; and the next thing we shall hear, perhaps, is that the ladies of the Revolution have organized themselves into a brass band, and taken to serenading HORACE GREELEY.
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Latest Fashionable Intelligence from the Plains,
INDIANS' war-(w)hoops.
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[Illustration: THE PNEUMATIC TUBE. EX-PRESSURE OF THE FUTURE.
THEY SAY THE SPHERES MUST BE TIGHTLY PACKED, AND THIS HOW IT IS GOING TO BE--WHEN THEY CARRY PASSENGERS.]
[Illustration: PROPHETIC VIEW OF THE INTERIOR.]
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Our Future.
PUNCHINELLO believes in a future. He believes in it first for himself, second for his country, and third for other people. He considers his own future very good and gorgeous, of course. He considers that of his country as very hopeful. It has room to grow, and grows. It has appetite to eat by day and to sleep by night. It eats and sleeps. It rises in the morning refreshed and lively. It washes its face in the Atlantic, and its feet in the Pacific. It raises great eagles, great lakes and rivers, and has a very large, and wise, and honest Congress. Its members of Congress are all pure, unsullied men. Not a stain rests on their proud, marble-like brows--not much. The future of PUNCHINELLO will be, to borrow from the poet, a "big thing." Its genial, mellow, shining face will continue to beam through uncounted ages--as long as beams can be procured, at whatever cost. Its good things will be household words as long as households are held. It will keep its temper very sweet, its age very green, and its flavor very sparkling. It will help the country to get on in its future, and be always glad to give government a good turn. If government wants any money, it will be PUNCHINELLO'S pleasure and privilege to launch it out. PUNCHINELLO has faith in countries and governments, and thinks if such matters were not in existence, its own prosperity would be affected. It therefore says to government, "Go on--be good, and you'll be happy. Grow up in the way you are bent, and when you get old, you'll be there." It sees a gigantic future for the country. It sees the Polar sea running with warm water, the North Pole maintaining a magnificent perpendicularity, and the Equinoctial Line extended all around the earth, including Hoboken and Hull. It sees its millions of people happy in their golden (greenback and currency) prosperity, and also happy in a full supply of PUNCHINELLO to every family. It sees its favorite Bird of Freedom spread its wings from Maine to Oregon; from Alaska to the Gulf, and it trusts its wings will not be hurt or lose a single feather in the spread. It sees itself--PUNCHINELLO, not COLUMBIA--enter upon its thousandth volume as youthful and pretty as a June rose, and as vigorous as a colt. It sees the time when one Fourth of July will not go round the national family, and from two to half a dozen will have to be provided.
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Mind your P's and Q's.
Committees of State Legislatures are apt to use very slip-shod English in drafting their bills. This should not be. How can they expect to Parse a bill unless it is couched in grammatical language?
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Taking a Senator's Measure.
Apropos of a recent debate in the Senate at Washington, a paragraph states that "CARPENTER made SUMNER seem very small." The carpenter who made SUMNER is not to blame for