Punch, or the London Charivari | Page 8

put his shoulder to the barrel and pushed and panted and panted and
pushed till he got it nearly to the top. But it broke away at the last
moment and rolled down the hill.
He rolled it up again and again perseveringly. He tried as often as
Sisyphus. He tried indeed just once more, because at last he succeeded
and the barrel was placed on end under the vine.
Joyfully he climbed on the barrel and bit at the fruit.
Then he jumped down with a bark of disgust.
The grapes were sour.
* * * * *
"Mutiny aboard a German U-boat, aided by the demolarizing effects of
a submarine bomb, made the diver a prize of the British Admiralty and
her crew the willing prisoners of a patrol boat."--_Ottawa Evening
Journal._
This kind of bomb--the demolariser--is just what we want to draw the
enemy's teeth.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE END OF THE THOUSAND-AND-ONE NIGHTS.
THE OFFICIAL STORY-TELLER (_to Wilhelm-al-Raschid_). "I
CAN'T THINK OF ANY FRESH FAIRY TALES. WOULD YOU
LIKE A TRUE ONE NOW?"

[April 30th was the thousand-and-first day of the War.]]
* * * * *
ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
_Monday, April 23rd._--Any intelligent foreigner who obtained
admission to the Distinguished Strangers' Gallery in the expectation
that on the feast-day of our national saint and the birthday of our
national poet he would be privileged to listen to a series of eloquent
speeches upon patriotism, delivered by our most accomplished orators,
must have been deeply disappointed. The one subject that the House of
Commons seems to care about is food.
The CONTROLLER has hit one section of the House in its tenderest
portion. Those Members who make their mid-day meal off tea and
bread-and-butter think it very hard that they should be allowed no more
bread than others who take the full luncheon. On their behalf Mr.
LONDON, like _The Carpenter_, said, "Give us another slice." But,
despite a slight facial resemblance to _The Walrus_, Colonel
LOCKWOOD was inexorable.
The late Mr. JUSTIN MCCARTHY was once described by his
ex-leader as "a nice old gentleman for a quiet tea-party." If anyone had
said that a Sunday- School treat would furnish the appropriate milieu
for that ardent Pacifist, Mr. JOWETT, I should, until this afternoon,
have been inclined to agree with him. But it is evident that his
acquaintance with Sunday-School treats is purely academic, for in
requesting the FOOD CONTROLLER to remove the ban lately placed
upon them he spoke of the treat as a "simple meal, consisting of a bun
and tea only." The italic is our own comment on this estimate of the
capacity of our brave tea-fighters.
_Tuesday, April 24th._--Those Members to whom their constituents
have given notice to quit at the next election, and who have recently
been somewhat depressed by the thought of the impending loss to the
nation of their valuable services, are plucking up heart again now that
the life of Parliament is to be once more extended. Mr. KING, for

example, was in his best form this afternoon. It goes without saying
that his advice to the Board of Agriculture to set a good example to the
country by sending their racehorses out to grass was well received, for
any reference to the Government stud is equivalent to the "Pass the
mustard" of the established humourist. His real success came when Mr.
BONAR LAW denied that Sir GEORGE MCCRAE had been
appointed Chief Whip to the Government. Mr. KING drawled out, "As
The Times has stated that this gentleman was so appointed will its
foreign circulation be stopped?" Then the laughter came spontaneous
and loud.
[Illustration: _Hodge._ "I'M TO BE QUEEN OF THE MAY."]
Another little joke which tickled the House was, I suspect, the outcome
of a conspiracy. At least I cannot understand why Mr. OUTHWAITE
should have been so anxious to know the amount of ginger imported
into this country last year, unless it was to afford Mr. MACVEAGH an
opportunity of asking, when the amount, some three thousand tons, had
been announced, "How is it that the new Government has got none of
it?"
There is a growing tendency on the part of Ministers, when charged
with the conduct of a Bill, to speak of it as "a poor thing not mine
own." They imagine, I suppose, that an air of deprecation, not to say
depreciation, is likely to commend the measure to an audience in which
party-spirit is supposed to be defunct.
[Illustration: VISCOUNT CHAPLIN MAKING NOTES ON THE
MILLENNIUM FROM THE PEERS' GALLERY.]
At first it seemed as if Mr. PROTHERO, in moving the second reading
of the Corn Production Bill, was going to adopt the modern attitude of
_insouciance_, for he spoke of it as "bristling with controversial points"
(as if